My bf (M31) thinks taking me (F25) to Disneyworld is going to fix our problems but it won't and idk how to talk about it.

My boyfriend and I have been together about 1.5 years and have lived together for a year. His family is planning a trip to Disneyworld for his niece. His mom is paying for it, including for his sister's boyfriend, who has been with her for less time than I have been with my boyfriend. I am not invited.

This isn't the first time I have been "left out" when it comes to his family events, yet his sister's bf is present. I have made it abundantly clear how fucked up it is to invite one partner but not the other. Yet that seems to be high point of contention between us.

When we first started dating he bragged about how many other people he has taken to Disneyworld, and how he will take me (Idk how he thought this was a brag, it just makes me feel less special tbh). Yet, I still was looking forward to going with him.

The reason he gave me as to why I was not invited was because "I don't gel with his family," but I have tried with his family. I have always shown interest in attending family events, I have always encouraged going, I reply when they talk to me, I try to talk with them. Like, I reached out to his sister, I sent thoughtful gifts to her and to his niece, got nothing back, no acknowledgment, no thanks. His sister leaves my texts on read. I've never argued or had problems with them. The only 'problem' is that I am shy/introverted and they seem to really look down on that, including my bf. I have tried explaining to them all that it has nothing to do with them or how I feel about them, it just takes time for me to open up and the more I'm involved the more I open up. These things like excluding me literally just damage any attempts to build a relationship.

I even offered to pay my own way to Disneyworld so that I could be a part of the family experience with them, but still I wasn't invited. And it hurts to know that my boyfriend is helping plan this trip and how okay he is with leaving me out. How he defends his family's actions despite me having done nothing wrong other than wanting to be treated as an equal member of the family like his sister's bf.

My boyfriend told me last year he has 3 trips planned as my birthday/anniversary gift. Idk when or where they are, but I figured out one of them yesterday. His niece let it slip that he is planning on taking me to Disneyworld as a surprise (she wasn't supposed to say this, she's 4).

Hearing this just stresses me out because I know what he's going to think. He thinks taking me to Disneyworld one week alone together is going to erase my feelings about him going with his family next month. A separate trip doesn't fix being left out of a family one. Which just shows to me how he still doesn't seem to fucking understand what it is that is problematic.

It is simple: IT'S ABOUT HIS SISTER'S BF BEING TREATED BETTER THAN ME EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE BEEN DATING LONGER THAN THEM. WHO THE FUCK INVITES AND PAYS FOR ONE PARTNER BUT NOT THE OTHER? THAT IS FUCKED UP.

I would not have a problem with this if my bf wasn't going with them. I would not have a problem if I was invited with them (and I was asked to pay my portion of the trip). I would not have a problem if no partners were going at all. There are multiple scenarios I would be fine with because then I'm not treated as "less than".

I am also dreading what happens when he reveals the surprise. He is going to think it is going to fix everything and I am worried he is going to get angry when I am still unhappy with it. I don't want to come across as ungrateful or impossible to please, but I also can't pretend a separate trip undoes what is actually happening.

I keep asking myself if I am being unreasonable for not just accepting the separate trip. Of course I am grateful about going to Disney with him, and I'm trying to be excited, but this whole thing with his family has just left me feeling like shit. All I want is to be an equal member of the family like his sister's bf. I am tired of being left out and I am tired of my bf thinking this is okay.

I have been avoiding talking to him about this because it's gonna send me into a panic attack, but it needs to happen.

The big question is how to handle the moment he reveals the surprise to me? He is going to think it fixes everything. It doesn't. How do I handle this situation without it exploding. (He has a tendency to get angry, cold, and dismissive when we are angry. I have a feeling this will be a very touchy subject for the both of us.)

TL;DR: My bf's family is taking everyone but me to Disneyworld, including his sister's bf, and my bf is helping plan it. His "fix" is to take me on a separate trip. A separate trip doesn't fix being left out of a family one. How do I handle this situation without it exploding.