Please somebody help me

My dad died when I was two from a heroin overdose and he had paranoid scitzophrenia, I grew up with a Scitzophrenic mother. I got bullied growing up and lost my virginity at age 16 under the influence and i dont remember it. I stayed with the boy for a year and a half but then cheated and got raped by another guy. Im 27 years old now and have comitted honosexuality and slept with 44 men (a lot of the time I havent been fit for consent). I am addicted to cocaine and have scitzophrenia and emotionally unstable personality disorder. I had a baby 6 years ago and took LSD while pregnant. I abandoned my daughter in the hospital to admit defeat to social services and she was adopted (i dont get to see her). I have been in an abusive relationship for 5 years where i get called things like a worthless prostitute. I have been unfaithful wuth around 16 men. I have attempted suicide around 200 times abd sensed hell. I read the bible daily and am a Christian. I said outloud that I account the holy spirit to the devil while I was in a mental hospital but i didnt mean it. I swore on the bible and lives falsely that i was God or the devil. I used to believe the earth was my body

I hear voices and feel a spirit touching my privates accompanied with an odd smell. I listen to blood of jesus preyers but the touching gets worse. I believed it was jesus touching me. I find long hairs balled up between my legs when I masturbate. I am disturbed and no matter how much I pray God won't help me. I think God hates me.