Hey

I ran into someone who knew your mom, they told me some stories. Maybe I was harsh to not let you hate her. It’s ok you know? To hate someone and love them still, hate what they are but love who they are to you. At the end of the day it’s all words to describe how hard the passing of time is. I know why you never give anything a chance in your mind, I know that to you the pain you feel is a curse for all to endure. I haven’t always been my best , i was taught that love is essentially the endurance of pain. That you would accept and accept because you love. And I get that I have no gauge or understanding on the things you had to accept. and you must find compassion to understand you don’t know the things I had too either. You wear you issues like armor and mine are boiler machines deep that keep me going. You show the worst and hoard the good, I show off best I can to wall up the broken machines leaking and screeching behind me. But even in that, we are similar. I don’t hide because my back room is so terrible or my closets need raiding, I hide it because it can be really hard for others to see. It has changed them. And I don’t like to watch that happen anymore . I’d rather them see me for me , not what made me, not what I endure. I am more than other people’s choices and so are you. Whether I defend myself , my character , my choices I am still left with the same weight and the same responsibility . All that could change is their gaze. I couldn’t have enough energy. But you know. Today’s mother’s days and you always made it about loss, your loss. I think there is a handful of us, so happy Mother’s Day to us, we were not your mother, you made us one and blamed us.