AITAH For wanting my partner to see me as one of his priorities

My Partner and I have been struggling recently and getting in a lot of fights. We've been trying to handle our relationship together and recently started therapy. His father passed away during this time and our fights got worse. He started dismissing my concerns and at one point I asked "do you even see me as a priority" and he said he doesn't. When I asked him what this meant, he said " I don't care about our problems. I only care about my Dad. I don't care if we're together or not.". He said this repeatedly over the course of weeks. He still says it sometimes when we're in fights. He says he hates me. He only just stopped because I genuinely had a breakdown from hearing him telling me that all the time. I just feel like a partner, especially one you're engaged too, should always be a priority. Not in an obsessing way, just in the way that we are both living life together and going through things together. I even told him I understood if we needed to stop focusing on our issue, but that I wanted to know that he still cared about being with me. He said he did not. After he says these things he'll always turn around and will tell me he loves me and I'm incredibly important to him. It confuses me why during his rough times, I don't matter to him. I understand he's grieving, but I also just lost my Dad two months before this. We had been fighting during, before, and after I lost my Dad but I never stopped seeing our relationship as a priority. It hurts me that he doesn't have the same feelings that I do and doesn't feel the same connection. I've always known love to be that you both are in it together and supporting each other. It's been a month now and I told him that this hurt me, thinking we had healed enough to have that conversation. He said he stands by it and will not change his mind. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I didn't ask that he try to fix all our issues, I just wanted to know if fixing our issues was something he even cared about.

Am I the asshole for wanting him to take our relationship seriously while he grieved?