[F19] I can’t stop watching myself cheat

I’m 19 and I’ve honestly always been the “good girl” type. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, and until a few weeks ago I genuinely thought he was the guy I’d end up marrying someday.

He wasn’t just my boyfriend either. He was literally my first everything.

First kiss. First relationship. First time having sex. The only guy I had ever done anything physical with. I never flirted with other guys, never entertained attention, never cheated, never even came close. Even though I get a lot of attention from men because I have pretty big boobs, I always ignored it. Everyone around me always saw me as loyal and innocent.

And honestly, I was.

Our relationship was actually really good. He treated me well, we laughed together all the time, and I always felt safe with him. Sex was never bad either. He always made sure I finished and genuinely cared about pleasing me.

There was just one thing I never really admitted out loud.

My libido is way higher than his.

And he finishes really fast.

He even used to joke about it himself and say it was because I “had the body of a pornstar.” At first I thought it was cute, but over time I started feeling this frustration that I never really knew how to talk about. I wanted to get absolutely wrecked at least once. Not sweet, careful sex, but completely lose control.

A few weeks ago we got a new coworker at work. He’s not even really my usual type. Shorter than my boyfriend, more muscular, way more dominant personality-wise. But there was immediate tension between us. Long eye contact, teasing each other constantly, always finding excuses to stand near each other.

I tried to shut it down at first because I genuinely never saw myself as someone who would cheat.

But during a work party everything spiraled.

My boyfriend was away for the weekend, so I was home alone. After I got home that night I couldn’t stop thinking about the tension between me and my coworker. Eventually I texted him and asked if he wanted to come over.

I put on black lingerie with pink heels and from the second he walked in, everything went wrong.

Or right. I honestly still don’t know.

We had sex for almost two and a half hours straight. Not awkward quick cheating sex, but hours of hard, dominant sex unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. For the first time in my life it felt like someone could actually fully keep up with my sex drive.

And honestly, I think the part that messed me up the most was realizing how much desire I had been suppressing for so long.

But the worst part came after.

My 2-year-old cousin had stayed over earlier that week, so there was still a baby monitor camera set up in the guest room. The camera was connected to an app both me and my boyfriend still had on our phones.

The camera was still on.

And yeah… he saw everything.

Not perfectly clear vid, but more than enough. Plus hours of audio. My voice. Everything.

I only realized later when I opened the app myself and saw someone had viewed the recordings that night.

And this is probably the sickest part of all of this.

I can’t get the videos and audio out of my head. Honestly, I watch and listen to them almost every night now. Headphones in, replaying everything that happened. Hearing how different I sounded. How completely gone I was. Sometimes it literally turns me on all over again.

And part of me is weirdly obsessed with knowing what strangers would think if they saw or heard it.

Would other people think it’s as insanely hot as I do now?

Can you actually hear in my voice how much I enjoyed it? Can people tell from the audio alone that this was completely different from anything I had ever experienced before?

The worst part is that I still haven’t officially talked things through with my boyfriend yet. He knows something happened, but we still haven’t had the final conversation about it.

Meanwhile I’ve already had sex with my coworker 13 times this week alone and I can’t help it.