Am I the problem

My husband has never accepted his diagnosis despite spending a 3-day involuntary visit to the psych ward after a week long manic episode the details of which I’m sure you all can imagine (included arrest). When he is facing stress he becomes incredibly irritated and his tone sets me off. I can usually stay emotionally regulated and calm, which avoids a blowup fight. The problem is - I respond poorly to his pressured and aggressive style of speaking to me when is is all agitated and inevitably we fight. And sometimes fights lead to him having a waaaaaay out of line response, drinking, weed, and impulsive behavior. We had such a fight last night - as we are traveling to his parents country of origin and it’s an East Asian country where I don’t speak the language. I think this creates stress for him which makes his mood worse. When I asked him for help reading food item ingredients, he said he couldn’t help - and he said it in a really annoyed tone. I didn’t understand why, since he does understand the language. I got mad and when I get mad, he gets even MORE mad and things EXPLODE. He began to ask needling and aggressive questions - example - “do you understand why I can’t do that” and when I say anything (yes, no) he says something like “how do you think it feels for me that I can’t ask for ingredients” - in short - the issue becomes waaaaaaaaay escalated, he becomese infuriatingly belligerent and believes I’m pointing out a perceived failing of his. So I feel like I’m a big part of our problems because of how I react to him which sets him off worse.

I don’t know what I’m even looking for with this post - I just feel sad and alone and a slight feeling of shame though I don’t know why.