31 [NB4A] #Online Feeling permanently “between worlds” socially

Hi. I’m a 31-year-old non-binary person, currently recovering from Crohn’s disease surgeries and living a fairly home-based life for the time being (temporary ileostomy, remote work, another surgery ahead, etc). Because of that, online socializing has become a pretty important part of my life lately.

But honestly, the thing I struggle with most socially isn’t even the health stuff. It’s feeling like I never fully fit into any social “category”.

With very neurotypical people, I tend to come across as weird very quickly. My interests are niche, my emotional style is unusual, I don’t naturally follow a lot of social conventions, and I often find many cultural norms arbitrary or exhausting. I don’t adapt to them well, and I think people notice that immediately.

Because of that, I often end up around neurodivergent people almost by inertia.

But here’s the twist: I’m honestly often worse at relating to neurodivergent spaces.

Especially autistic people, if I’m being honest. I tend to be emotionally intense, too communicative, too expressive, too “much”, and I constantly feel like I accidentally overwhelm people or cross limits I didn’t fully perceive. I’m terrible at intuitively understanding certain unspoken boundaries, and I end up feeling like a social bull in a china shop.

I should probably also admit that I’m absolutely exhausting for many “low spoons” people. My natural communication style is frequent, emotionally expressive, sentimental and quite intense once I’m comfortable with someone. That’s not me trying to invade people’s space, it’s just genuinely how I connect and show affection. Unfortunately, it also means I can easily overwhelm people whose social energy works very differently from mine.

So I constantly feel stuck between worlds: too odd for many neurotypical spaces, too emotionally chaotic for many neurodivergent ones, too feminine for typical male environments, too “male-perceived” for some queer spaces.

I rarely feel like I fully belong anywhere socially.

At the same time, I also want to be honest about something else: I really dislike when people immediately try to reduce others to categories, personality systems or amateur diagnoses. Please don’t message me if your first instinct is to explain me to myself through MBTI, astrology, “you definitely have X”, etc.

I spent a long time feeling insecure because people constantly insisted there had to be “something wrong” or “some diagnosis” behind the way I am. I eventually talked about this in therapy, and what I was actually told was that my main issue wasn’t some hidden disorder, but low self-esteem and an excessive tendency to define myself through other people’s interpretations of me.

That genuinely helped me.

So nowadays I’m much more interested in people who approach others with curiosity and nuance rather than trying to categorize them immediately.

Despite everything I just wrote, I’m not a negative or bitter person. I actually enjoy humor a lot, and I genuinely love deep conversation, emotional honesty, strange interests and intense intellectual discussions.

A few things about me:

philologist

literature / philosophy / history

Nintendo, One Piece, Iron Maiden, WWE

non-binary (agender)

polyamorous

pansexual

kinky

emotionally expressive

chronically online due to health circumstances, honestly

I also don’t really distinguish strongly between “online friends” and “real friends”. If the connection is meaningful, then it’s real to me.

I’m not necessarily looking for any specific label or outcome. Mostly I’d just like to meet people who also feel somewhat socially difficult to classify, and who are tired of environments where everybody seems to already know the rules except them.

Also, English isn’t my first language, so sometimes I phrase things strangely or use a translator.

If any of this resonates with you, feel free to message me.