I’m in such a privileged position and I don’t want it, I don’t want any of it but I don’t want to throw it away either — what do I do?

I really hope someone can relate to me on this because otherwise this will just sound like a brag or showing off. It really isn’t.

Currently, I’m applying to University (College) and I’ve gotten in to the best Law schools in the country - UK - but I just don’t want this life.

My dream has always been an average life. I want a 9-5 with stability and no surprises but the life I’m on track for isn’t like that. It’s a turbulent legal career with 12 hour days, insane pay and no life outside of work. I hate that so much and yet everyone I know is pushing me towards it.

I wasn’t handed these acceptances, I worked so damn hard to get them and it’s not what I want. I have no passion for any subject or course, I just wanted to make my family happy.

Most of all, my Dad. He got in to one of the Unis I did (LSE) which is the best Economics course in the country but he dropped out due to a drug addiction that came from his new Uni friends. He’s clean now but almost every day he speaks so horribly about himself since we’re not rich whatsoever.

When I got in to LSE (and other Unis) he was overjoyed. So happy. It’s the first time he hugged me ever and I was glad but I just don’t want this man. The pressure to do well and carry on a legacy or whatever it is makes me so angry.

I’m not driven by anything. I worked so hard to get here and what’s my reward? More work? Then I leave Uni with a top grade just to compete with people for a position at a top Law firm? Then on training I compete with other trainees to stay onboard AND do another exam? Then get treated like shit but it’s fine because I make a crazy salary?

I feel like if I just go to a mid University the pressure won’t be on me as much and they’ll let me go. Every time someone asks me which Uni I’m going to it’s always “woah, you’re going to be rich!” and it’s never mean I know that but just being associated with the place makes me feel less like me and more like, i don’t even know what.

At a mid Uni people will hear the name and say “oh cool” and leave me to it, I wont feel bad for ‘giving up’ that life I could have had. It’s not even guaranteed and everyone acts as if it is.

I don’t know, I’m at the start of my exam season and the urge to just flop is so tempting. At least then I won’t be some star student, you know?