Sitting in my draft, just need to vent

I’m sorry for sending you this I just cannot feel easy. I want to say I can’t do this and I said it in anger I did not mean it. I’m sorry I don’t wanna leave you I want you and I’m stupid to say that to you I’m just angry at the situation and it’ll pass. I cannot lose you I need you I want you to stay and I want to be with you. You’re the person I have loved the most. I’m sorry I’m really sorry. I want to fight for you ofc and if this is it then here I am. I am not letting you go. Please don’t leave me I’m sorry and I’m an angry idiot who doesn’t think before he says but I love you and have always loved you the most I will be alone without you. Im sorry please come back.

I want to say all these things to you. But I can’t, I know it will hurt again and again, you and me. I love you and I want you to be happy, I want you to be happy like I’m envisioning you are right now when I close my eyes not like. I don’t know where that is. Maybe alone, with someone else or maybe even with me. I can’t decide that for you but what I can do is decide I want you to be happy. You have to decide that. What sucks I won’t know and I can’t let you know all this cause if I do I think it might influence your decision, that is if it has any power to anymore. Or maybe I should send it and tell you how much I want you and show the fight like you always want. I can’t decide I’m sorry.

Maybe I am really that bad of a person I do wonder that a lot. I always discount it to my anger cause the things I say are not what I mean I do know that and so do you. But maybe that is a facade and I just am not compatible with anyone. Or maybe, my worst fear, you are my right person wrong time. I’m sorry I was not mature enough to love you the right way, the way you deserve always.