Dating an avoidant is the most difficult thing I chose to do

My girlfriend is a fearful-avoidant. I am secure-leaning anxious, and was secure before my previous relationship.

I do love my girlfriend. She is fantastic and is all I could wish for in a woman, but an avoidant attachment style is very difficult to build anything with.

We met on a dating app. She was head-over-heels from the beginning, and we texted for ~10 hours on our first day of knowing eachother, and met up a handful of weeks later. She was absolutely perfect for me, and we were getting close very quick. She treated me better than everyone else in her life.

There was always some light ambiguity as to "what are we?" on her end, and her claiming she "doesn't feel love", but then writing her heart out to me, and her being surprised at how attached she had become. By all means, it was and is a relationship. We went on dates, we were only with eachother, we kept getting to know eachother deeper and deeper, and we overall became very intimate, and we let eachother know how much the other means to us.

But, for her to say "I love you", you'd think it physically hurt her to say that. She said it here and there, but it was very inconsistent. That pain builds up over time. It was the topic of many discussions between us. She did and does love me, but, admitting that is difficult and painful to bear.

Whatever. I was used to it, and I was understanding. I understood what an FA is and why an FA is. I don't blame an avoidant for being the way they are, but I also know being an avoidant is no way to live forever.

Over the next three years, I did pretty much all I could to make her comfortable in being intimate and knowingly in a relationship with me. Every so often, she'd spring clean all her contacts for anything between a few days to a few months. No heads-up.

So, after enough time, I was genuinely struggling a lot with my self worth. Do I really mean nothing to my girlfriend? We discussed ourselves and the future a few times. She said she's the only person she could ever see herself having a future with; she wants a family in the future, and she doesn't think she'll ever meet someone she feels so comfortable, seen, warm, and loved with as she does with me. But, she doesn't know if she can live up to that. Something in her body is stopping her. So, she told me to find a different girlfriend a few times, and broke it off with me.

Two times she said that, I did. I was doing as she told me to do. I took her at her word, always. Both times, she pulled back immediately. She didn't want anyone to have me, but her. At the same time, I couldn't really get much closer (without marriage, moving in, and creating a family).

When she was struggling financially, and therefore couldn't come visit me, I offered to pay for all her travel costs. Alas, the answer was always no. For an avoidant, every hint of "dependence" is an evil and must be rooted out.

I haven't seen her in just under a year. Partially due to her finances. Partially due to her spring cleaning. Partially due to her pulling me back after pushing me away and telling me to find a different girlfriend. It's not that she doesn't want to see me, it's just an avoidant doing avoidant things and being illogical. At the time of writing, she's disappeared for just over 2 weeks without a word. I am genuinely worried and sent her an unanswered text.
Loving an avoidant - being in a relationship with an avoidant who, otherwise, is absolutely perfect for you - is very difficult. You can be a perfect partner, patient, understanding, quiet, anything else - but, unless the avoidant pushes to heal and grow, the relationship will be very painful and hard.

I don't know what to do, honestly. Dating apps bring me great sadness whenever I try them, and I'm unsure I'd meet someone of the same caliber as my current girlfriend. A good 80% of the issues in our relationship come from stressors in her life, primarily work/finances, failing family health, and living in a bad and unsafe area.

My girlfriend is a great person. I love her. I think the smartest option for me is to just push her to heal, be more open with me, and stop the push/pull. Most of it would be solved by living together and having stable employment. This path won't be easy, and it would be having my cake and eating it, but I want to believe it's possible.