i want to fuck an older guy….and i don’t know how to feel

So to be honest i havent done alot with many people, and i kind of just i’ve always wanted to have sex with a guy whos like 6 years or more older than me. I just turned 18 and i know that being a young Gen z girl could get me into alot of trouble with some older men. But i kind of want to try it at least once, i want to know what its like to be fucked by a man. A real man not just in the sense of being older but….. bigger than a teenage boy in certain perspectives and better than one if that makes sense. Does this make me messed up? Does this mean my daddy issues really have fucked me in the head?