Feeling depressed because of LL wife.

I’m 41 HL M and my wife is 43, LL. We’ve been married for 10 years, together for 13. I love my wife. She’s my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without her. We don’t have kids so it’s not a matter of not having time or being too busy.

She just doesn’t seem to care about sex. She’ll initiate sex maybe once a month and it feels like duty sex. There’s no deep kissing in our day to day life, no flirty or dirty texts, never any hint of anything sexual to lead up to it. There’s no passion, it feels like her going through the motions and more often than not, I can’t even finish or I can’t stay hard. It’s definitely not an ED issue, it just feels like it isn’t even fun and I start to feel bad about myself, I start to think about how the current sex we’re having is going to be the only sex I’ll have for a month if not longer.

Then it really hits me in the self-esteem. Am I that repulsive? Why am I not enough? That’s the hard one. Why did my wife marry me if she doesn’t desire me? Our marriage otherwise is fine. We don’t have any real problems, but the one we have is a very real problem for me. I need to have a strong sexual connection.

I’ve talked to her about it on a few different occasions and each time I felt like she didn’t do much to help me understand why she doesn’t want me the way I want her. She says she’s attracted to me and she loves me and that I’m a good husband. It’s always followed up by sex within a few days, but it unmistakably feels like the duty sex.

I feel so lonely at this point and my mental health isn’t great. I feel like I sulk a lot unintentionally, I often find myself crying out of frustration because I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I find myself dwelling on it for hours, thinking about how so many other married couples have frequent, good sex and how I feel like I’m never going to be loved how I need to be loved and I’ll never be wanted how I need to be wanted. I’m tired of having the same conversation because I feel like she gets more annoyed every time I bring it up. I’m an adult and should know what to do, but I just don’t. I just feel kind of dead inside more often than not.