I think it's genuinely over

23(M). First year aerospace engineering, due to various reason, mainly me being an idiot, I still need to do all 1st semester exams (calc1, phy1, algebra, chem) and in a month second exam season starts. I did not start, I basically wasted 5 months where I could have done smth but now I am here with 1 month before calc 1 and 5 days after that phy 1 and I know shit. I just won't study, I like the classes but I wasted so much time I give up before even trying now.

I will be 24 in a month and I have nothing ti show for it, failing 1st year like this ruins me and again I am a disappointment to my parents. They do not know because I will probabky end it before telling them this. I guess I will skip the last month of the second semester classes because if I don't I will never have a chance to catch up.

Honestly I am so broken my stupid brain does not even feel that bad, but the situation is really a failure. I woukd need to do 9 exams before october to be on par, which I will never be able to, I hate myself and I failed again, as I always do.

I am almost scared to open a book, I need to get back on integrals but then I remember how much stuff I gotta do and block, wasted a whole exam session where I coukd have done like 2/4 but I did 0 exams and aslo wasted the first 2 months of second semester. I don't know how long I can feel this garbage. I am tired of not being able to be a fucking adult like 18 year olds seem to be. I am almost 24, which people can say whatever but I am old, people always question me on why I started uni at 23, and Idk what I shoukd even say.

I was a failure before and proved agaun I am. I am hopeless. I wanted to do 1 thing properly but I fucking can't and suffer because of it, and I deserve it.