Bummed Out About Romance

I’m only 20, but I often feel behind my peers/family in terms of relationships and romance. I’ve never had a bf/gf before, or really talked to anyone romantically. I did *attempt* talking to this guy i liked once but i was so bad at it that has scarred me./hj (I had wished him happy BHM and he was not Black… amazing conversation starter i know. Don’t worry I laugh at this now) ((i am also black 😭))

It is kind of hard to not feel out of place? I’m pretty bad at masking so most of the time i come across as shy and awkward. However even when i was more “extroverted” and talking to people ive never ‘clicked’ with anyone. I used to have a friend where we both bonded over being weird and never got into a relationship, but then she got a bf and we just stopped talking. I feel like that’s more of my fault though. (in my defense her bf kind of sucked since he was flirting with other girls and i felt she deserved better but that might’ve been the overly just autistic in me talking)

I can’t help but feel it’s a mix of being autistic and my personality. I try to be a kind person and considerate person. But I also feel kind of hopeless too. I have childish interests, meanwhile talking to my NT friends they are able to meet people because they go out to parties and/or are just charismatic people. I’m pretty close with my cousins/siblings and they were like that too. I’m the only one in my family now to have never been in a relationship, even my younger cousin has had a partner before. I just feel like crap lol.

also talking about my race and body

!I also can’t help but wonder if it’s something wrong with me physically. I am not curvy at all, I’m pretty thin (no butt and barely any boobs lol) and for black girls that’s not really attractive as for other cultures and backgrounds. I just feel pretty inadequate.!<

I know this is so stupid, I understand the right person might come along, and reading this my feelings do sound pretty dumb and childish. I just feel so behind in life because of the way I am, and romance was just one of them