Is it possible that I caused myself a sexual trauma?

I (F20) was in my first serious relationship for 1,5 years. We broke up 6 months ago, but no contact started 2 months ago.

Lets just say that in that relationship I did very extreme and ”wild” sexual acts that were against my values. I said ”yes” to sex all the time, whenever he wanted. I always did what he wanted. He never forced me, I always said yes although deep down I was screaming ”no!”

I did what he wanted all the time: even though I was tired. He was very sexual abd objectified me ALL the time. He sexualized my body multiple times a day. I showed off my body on facetime dozen times and he masturbated. Intercourse hurt me sometimes but I just kept my mouth shut. I tried to give him hints like ”I am so tired” but he just kept saying ”head would be nice..” and tried to push my head down. I admit that I made myself look like I am into it even though I wasn’t.

All this cause I was scared of losing him or him watching porn instead of me. I started to also objectify myself. I was sexual all the time and if sometimes (this was very rare) he wasn’t into it, I was spiraling and convinced that he had watched porn. I know I am pathetic and insecure but the thought of him getting off to other women made me crazy sad…

We continued the sexual things for 4months after the break up. I was already nauseous around him but I was craving validation so much.

After all of this has caused me to feel gross abd wrong in my body. I have even questioned my gender for couple months know since I have started to feel gross about my ”female parts”. I feel so gross in my skin I just wanna rip it off and not be alive anymore. I feel gross about any close relationships: even relationship between me and my mother has started to feel gross for no reason.

Has anyone experienced anything like this?