AITA for telling my neighbors to get over themselves after they came onto my property and yelled at my kids?

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I, 46F, and my husband, 52M, have three kids: 17M, 12M, and 10M. We have lived across the street from another family, 37F and 37M, for about 10 years. They have a 12-year-old son who has been friends with my youngest for years.

Sorry in advance for the long post, but there is a lot of history here.

My husband and I have always been the “everyone is welcome” house. Kids are always over here. If your kid comes to our house, they are included, fed, and treated like part of the group. We have rules, but we are also very welcoming.

Their 12-year-old son has been coming to our house almost every day for years, usually from about 3:30 p.m. until 7:00 p.m. His parents both work, and I was trying to be a good friend and neighbor. I have never been paid or asked for anything in return. I genuinely did not mind because our kids were friends.

That said, our parenting styles are very different. My husband and I do not allow our kids to run the show, talk to adults disrespectfully, or always get their way. Their son, in my opinion, is rarely told no. He still has major emotional meltdowns when the kids do not want to play what he wants to play. For example, if the group wants to play basketball and he wants to play tag, he may cry and even throw himself on the ground, hes 12. I am not saying this to be cruel, but to give context: he struggles socially and emotionally, and his parents seem to view every conflict as someone else being mean to him.

A few days ago, I was out grocery shopping with one of my older kids while my husband was home working. He works from home, and his office is at the front of our house, directly by a large front window. If someone came to the door, he would know.

While I was out, I received a text from the neighbor mom saying something along the lines of, “The kids at your house are not talking nicely to each other, so I went over and told them it wasn’t nice to speak that way and maybe acting like pricks wasn’t a good idea.”

One of the kids there was a 10-year-old neighbor from a different block. He is autistic and gets very uncomfortable with confrontation. Apparently, my adult neighbor came onto my property, confronted the kids directly, and made him cry.

I immediately called my husband and asked if she had come to the door to speak to him first. He said no. No one came to the door. He was home the entire time.

I texted her back and said I would absolutely talk to the kids, but if something is happening at my house, she needs to come to the door and speak to one of us, not go directly onto my property and confront the kids herself. I also told her she made the 10-year-old cry.

She did not respond.

Four days later, right after I left to get my nails done, the neighbor dad came over to our trampoline, where all the kids were playing, including his own son. Again, my husband was home. Again, he did not come to the door or contact either of us.

Instead, he went straight to the kids and told them to “stop being assholes” to his son “or else.”

When I got home, my 12-year-old and my 10-year-old immediately told me what happened.

At that point, I was furious.

My issue is not that they are concerned about their child. If their son is coming home upset, of course they should address it. My issue is how they are handling it.

They have both my number and my husband’s number. My husband was home both times. They could have called, texted, or knocked on the door. Instead, both parents came onto my property, confronted children directly, called them names, and in one case made a 10-year-old autistic child cry.

Then the neighbor mom texted me saying her son has been coming home sad and upset, that the kids have been “mean” to him, and that it has supposedly been going on for months.

Here is where I struggle with that: we live in Chicagoland area. It is early May. The kids have barely been outside for months because of winter, and their son is not allowed to play video games, so the kids do not really hang out much during the colder months. My own 10-year-old has also been sick recently with bronchitis and the flu and has not even been outside during the semi warmer weather!

I told her I understood she was upset and that I did not want to discount her or her son’s feelings, but I needed actual examples of what was happening. What was said? Who said it? When did it happen? What exactly are we addressing?

She did not give me any specific examples. She just kept saying her son was upset and my kids were bullies.

I also told her that the only specific incidents my kids have told me about are the two times she and her husband came onto my property, yelled at the kids, and called them names. I said that if her son cannot handle playing with a group of kids, some of whom are older than him, then maybe he needs to stay home until everyone can figure out what is actually going on.

She told me I was ridiculous and that my kids are bullies because her son is upset.

At that point, I lost my patience. I told them they needed to get over themselves and stop acting like everyone else is responsible for managing their son’s feelings while they ignore his behavior. I also told them they needed to get their heads out of their asses and stop coming onto my property to yell at children. If my kids were such bullies then their kid isnt allowed over anymore.

So, AITA for telling my neighbors to get over themselves after they repeatedly came onto my property, bypassed the adults, yelled at kids, and called them names? AITA for being upset that shes calling my kids bullies??