Is it a kink?(Repost)

I had my first real sexual experience with someone I met on an app. I was a first year college student and he was around 20 years older than me.

It was New Year 2023, around 10 PM, and kakauwi ko lang galing Manila after celebrating. Honestly medyo hesitant pa ako noon kasi what I usually did on apps was mang-trip lang or leave people hanging. Pero napilit niya ako that time, and siguro dahil first time ko rin with an actual person, dala ng curiosity ay napapayag niya ako.

Pagdating ko sa place niya, he was surprisingly gentle and respectful naman. May aftercare pa, and he made me feel comfortable kahit sobrang kabado ako. It was also my first time doing something intimate with another person, so the whole experience felt intense and memorable for me. I even begged him na iputok sa bunganga kaso kasi I’ve always wanted to try it and suprisingly masarap siya? HAHA

After that, nag-usap pa kami for about a week, and he even joked about making me his fubu. Pero dahil natakot ako and hindi ko alam paano i-handle yung situation, I ended up ghosting him.

Then after a year, I reached out again because I kept thinking about that experience. I even told him not to shave kasi I wanted to smell him. Pero natakot ulit ako, so wala rin nangyari after that. He threatened me na gagantihan niya ako and wag ko raw hintayin na gawin ko sa kaniya. Deep inside I wanted him to do it?

Now it’s 2026, and I still haven’t had another real experience since then. Napapaisip tuloy ako kung kink ba siya, attachment, or maybe dahil first real experience ko siya and really curious if it went on.