I don't deserve to be acknowledged on Mother's Day

I genuinely feel like Mother's Day is something that needs to be earned. My mom was abusive, her mom was abusive, and on and on into the depths of history.

I've done the best I can with my kid. I know I've messed up a lot. I never hurt her physically, deprived her of anything that she needed, or put her in danger, but I'm also just a crappy f****** mom. I'm disabled and mentally ill, and I spend most of my days lying in bed feeling like getting up weighs a thousand pounds. I let her skip school and ignore calls from teachers. I try so hard to connect with her but I know I don't do enough and I know she's suffering from never having a normal childhood.

This Mother's Day is my first ever without my own mom, and I've done everything in my power to distract my daughter from the fact that it's Mother's Day at all. I don't want her to celebrate, especially not me. I just wish this wasn't a holiday at all.