Currently quitting 7oh, kratom, phenibut, vaping, caffeine, and alcohol I am in for a wild ride

I have no idea how I ended up here. Addiction sneaks up on you in the blink of an eye and within what seems like seconds it's been years and your life is down the tubes and you are dependent on a cocktail of chemicals in order to feel "normal".

The first addiction I have ever had was vaping. It is the most prevelant of all my addictions. Constantly vaping every 15 minutes minimum is the norm for me. Waking up every two hours to take a puff of a vape then fall back asleep. It's insane how long I have put up living like that. Recently I have had a severe health scare with my lungs and thought I was going to die. Haven't vaped since. I am on so many substances that I have no idea what time of the day I am going into withdrawal on what substance. At one point I thought it was just a panic attack due to phenibut withdrawal but it was actually from my lungs due to chain vaping. My left lung partially collapsed and haven't vaped since. No addiction is worth your life.

The second OG addiction would be kratom. I have been heavily addicted for like 8ish years. At first 3 capsules would get me nodding out but now I have to take like 30 capsules just to feel "good". I can't remember the last time I went a day without it. My sex drives has tanked and didn't think it could get any lower. I was wrong. I like an idiot tried 7oh despite resisting the urge to hundreds of times when buying kratom from the smoke shop. The first dozen times I did not become "hooked". But recently I decided to take a big dose. An absurdly big dose. They call it "psuedo 7oh" (Even more powerful) I took 500mg in a single night and it felt like I was on a massive dose of painkillers. I stopped caring about most things and felt as if all my problems had gone away. At the time I also combined with a liter of vodka alcohol. Since that day three weeks ago at my Dad's birthday party I honestly haven't been the same since. At first it was just a few times a week. Then it became every other day and gradually before I knew it I couldn't go a single day without at least taking it a couple of times per day.

I didn't start freaking out until I decided to go back to powder kratom and I felt absolutely NOTHING. It was like kratom the powder that gave me so much euphoria suddenly felt like useless grass.. That was last thursday. I haven't gotten more than 10 hours of sleep since then. If I am lucky I will be able to sleep 3 hours. But my body jolts awake most of the time within minutes.

As for the phenibut I at the very least dose once every other day. But recently since starting 7oh I am taking every day to try to fight the withdrawals from the 7oh. I have been through phenibut withdrawals once from only two weeks of daily usage and it can only be described as a living nightmare. Foolishly I got back on it a long time ago but I was sticking to the only twice a week rule. Life became so unmanageable due to the 7oh so I broke the rule and I am just using it so I don't go completely insane. But I am not worried about the phenibut for the most part. The half-life is absurdly long (48 hours) so as long as you aren't constantly dosing and gradually decrease I should be able to taper off. However if I somehow lose my phenibut or am no longer able to dose I am fucked. It's not something you can sleep off. You literally lose your mind coming off this shit. Brain zaps, seizures and full blown hallucinations. Ironically kratom also helps me come off of phenibut and phenibut helps me come off of kratom. It's so exhausting. It's an endless cycle of addiction.

I am also in the process of quitting alcohol and caffeine. I am not a daily drinker but I am a binge drinker on the weekend. Taking 20 shots until I pass out not knowing how I got where I am. Phenibut makes drinking completely unmanagable. You will have full blown blackouts/seizures if you drink too much on phenibut. One time I drank on phenibut and woke up at 4AM in a different state. I am not bullshitting. Caffeine keeps me going well beyond my breaking point. I work night shifts and can go days without sleeping due to caffeine. I drink caffeine at night to stop me from sleeping and drink caffeine during the day to stop me from sleeping. five hour energies, monsters, expresso shots, redbulls, caffeine pills, instant coffee powders and the list goes on and on...

Caffeine should be seen as a gateway drug or at the very least a drug with mild potential for abuse. People who are naturally tired or low energy can abuse this to dangerous levels really easily. I started my night job drinking one monster energy then it turned into 2 then it was 1 when I got to work, one before I leave work and one when I got home so I could stay up and relax. Instead of ever going to sleep it seemed like I would stay up indefinitely.. This has been going on for four long years and god knows what it has done to my cardiac health. Now it's getting to the point where I can't even take a sip of an energy drink without feeling like a panic attack is on the horizon. It kills my appetite, got me addicted to sugar and is most always accompanied by nicotine. Another job I worked literally everyone would smoke cig's and drink energy drinks during their shift. I started doing it too and was drinking those highly acidic energy drinks it ended up destroying my teeth irreversibly. Caffeine is a very real gateway drug and I understand that now.

It's already in motion. Don't try to stop me. I am getting off all this garbage as soon as possible. I don't care if it kills me at this point. At least I will leave on my own terms.