how do i live

ive been suicidal for so long and ive tried about 6 times before. its always been an escape plan if i failed but i know im not going to. i think. i dont wanna do it i dont wanna hurt the people i love but i cant go on. how do i get better. how do i become a human being please. im on a high dose of antidepressants ive gone to multiple therapists ive gotten diagnosed for autism and cptsd and i just feel empty all the time i wanna be good