My bf (29M) got thirst trapped

Hi!

So my (30F) bf texted a random girl on Instagram "wow such amazing boobs" while we were broken up for a week due to a fight that I can't remember.

We are living in different cities and he was visiting me for my birthday after the fight. I had been through an emotional turmoil during this period. I quit my job, I lost my Mom 1.5 years back, I discovered I was pregnant and I was begging my bf to marry me but he refused and then I had a miscarriage.

The fight was about the marriage timeline itself. We have been dating for 10-11 months, but we met through Jeevansathi and I honestly expected to get married ASAP.

We both have a past, insecurities and trust issues. We both have each other's passwords. I found him checking my Instagram and I said jokingly that I want to check yours too. He started snatching his phone and I just happened to find this DM. He claimed he was thirst trapped by the girl's reel. I cried he cried he apologized. I went to check his telegram but he ran to the washroom locked the door and later the app was wiped clean. He apologized profusely and for some reason I let it go!

I feel so stupid now that our parents have started serious shaadi talks and he is not even supportive of my feelings and opinions. There have other incidents of triggered aggression from my end and non- triggered aggression from his end (though he refuses to see it the same way).

I know I should get out. I am so scared. He will act nice and apologise whenever I try and break up. I get scared because I think nobody else will marry me if I tell them about the miscarriage. I can't lie, and reddit has shown me how men hate women who take time to get to know them before revealing private stuff. I have seen men encouraging the guys to reveal the girl's secrets to her parents, and I don't think my Dad will be able to handle it.

I am so ashamed and I am so scared. I literally feel like dying all the time. I don't know what to do! I wish my Mom was still here and maybe I could have confided in her or at least hugged her and cried.

What should I do? Practically and logically!