I’m about to just start doing drugs I don’t even give a shit anymore.

If I’m never gonna have a good life, if I’m never gonna have girlfriend, a home, the ability to keep a job, the motivation to change, the will to go to the gym and beat my eating disorder, if I have to live without my mom, then why does it matter?

Been researching where to get them all day and about to just go into a sketchy part of town and ask every sketchy person I see if they know where to get heroin. I’m a socially inept, introverted autistic moron so I obviously have no connections.

There’s nothing good about my life. I’m stupid, my mom is dead, I’ve never had a girlfriend, can’t get one, can’t keep a job or find one I want, can’t beat this eating disorder, can’t get motivated to go to the gym, there’s nothing to live for. I’d rather try them before I die which will be soon than suffer 24/7.