I really love making my parents fight with each other!

They havent done much to really make me hate them. My mum is a lovely person, she could improve her parenting a bit, but for the most part she's fine. My dad also isn't the worst, but he's significantly more unlikeable. He's a deeply insecure, lowkey white supremacist trump supporter, hates gays, hates immigrants (despite the fact my mum is one), hates poor people, hates trans people. He's not upfront about it, but i know it's the case after many years of talking to him.

I'm the oldest child and have resented my dad in particular for punishing me easier / more frequently than my younger siblings. As a kid, anytime my siblings would get hurt or fall over, he'd blame me for not being there to help them at all times. I was a very quiet, introverted kid, and despite loving my siblings, i didnt like hanging out with anyone much. They've always made it seem like i'm the "selfish" one, who was weird, unlikeable, and undesireable. They'd joke to their friends about me being outspoken and rude infront of me. I'm only that way at home because i've always had to stick up for myself. With friends and others i can be myself.

I was always treated differently because i'm the older girl, not by much, only by a few years but i've noticed since I was 4. They'd coddle and treat my siblings sweetly, but when it came to me they acted as if i was weird for behaving like a kid. I remember one time when I was 8, I called my dad "daddy", as i always had, and he said i'm too old to do that now. It hurt my feelings at the time. Whereas my youngest sister continues to call him that and she's 13 now. I feel like he only loved me when i was small and cute, and now that i have my own opinions and i look grown up he hates me.

My parents don't have many issues. My dad, because he's so entitled and stuck up, thinks he's above my mum or something. He makes her do all the housework because he "works all the time" even though she works just as much as him at her job. He makes fun of her arabic culture subtly all the time as dirty, etc.

From a very young age i'd like to make them angry at eachother. I'd ask my dad questions about my mum and then i'd twist them negatively and tell her, and then i'd do the same to my dad. Then they'd vent to me about how annoying the other one is and it made me very happy. Whenever they fought i was nottt upset, I would listen because it was entertaining and fun. I would frequently, and still do, convince my mum to get a divorce, but shes always refused.

I like to make my dad feel terrible about himself so that he's miserable, and i dont ever feel guilty about it. I tell him he has no value and he's ugly etc. I'm projecting aswell as trying to be honest and hurtful. I know he's insecure so i play into that. I like making him so mad he tries to beat me up and then i run off and close myself in the bathroom so he can get mad and do nothing about it.

We went to family therapy a few years back, the therapist asked me "Do you like your mum" and i was honest and said yes. They then asked "do you like your dad" and i said no. When they asked why I humiliated him and told the woman infront of my dad everything wrong with him, from his physical appearance to his piggish behaviour.

I think i'm a very bad person when it comes to my parents. I'm aware of that. I feel bad about my mum, i think she deserves much better than a daughter like me. She's honestly a great person. I'm a very good older sister and me and my siblings never fight, we're like best friends and i buy them things and take them out alot. When it comes to friendships, i'm the non-problematic one. I'm pretty reserved, im loyal and support them all equally, i like to basically just fly under the radar. So this behaviour is exclusive to my parents and has gone on since i was like 4-5.