I have decided to become avoidant

I'm too damaged and too broken to become a normal person anymore. I am no longer capable of love. I cannot trust anyone anymore. It's been 3 months and my sense of safety and trust towards human relationships are still broken.

I will avoid everyone. I will not seek romantic relationships anymore. I don't even find women attractive anymore after what she has done to me. I will just avoid everyone and everything, it's the only safety that exists in this world. Therapy doesn't help, medications doesn't help, talking to people doesn't help either.

I don't even like her anymore and I wish I never met her. I just don't want to meet anyone ever again. I don't trust myself and neither do I trust other humans. The only way forward is being alone. If might be lonely, but it's safer.

I will not date or make another person suffer what I've suffered but I've been damaged beyond repair, so now I think being alone and avoidant is the only way for me going forward.