Never getting better

The only hope I had in being success prison was due to having a relationship with a much older man who expected way too much of me. Now with a healthy relationship I just watch myself spiral. Even though he is better in terms of being nice and thoughtful I just feel like I could’ve been more. Even if it was only due to trying to impress someone or adequate. I also feel like I’ll never be able to find myself or feel okay unless I spend a lot of time alone but that is not possible and I love my boyfriend.