This break up is my last straw. (Warning extremely long rant)

I fr got played with for the last time I cannot do this anymore that one fucking hurt. The worst part is IM the fucking idiot for believing someone could ever love me enough to change for me. I really just let him do that. Like there’s nobody else to blame. I knew exactly what he was, I just wanted to believe him so fucking bad. The idea that it was just a mental health issue he could heal from or “fix” and not just his genuine hatred of me and probably women in general was so comforting to me.
I still like really don’t understand how our love could have been fake yk? Like I know someone who loved me wouldn’t ever hurt me especially not physically like he did, but like the in between moments when we weren’t fighting were so beautiful. Idk why the only word I can think to describe it is warm. They were really warm.
When he came back and he said he was getting better I believed him. I didn’t actually believe him like I knew, every time I was around him I was scared shitless. I wanted that warmth back tho and he told me all this shit like he was on medication and going to therapy and that he was changing BECAUSE he loved me. I took him back like an idiot lmao.
We went on a date, and he asked me if I’ll be his girlfriend again. And I said yes. And he told me all these things about how we’re still gonna get married some day and we’re still gonna have a big beautiful family. He said a lot of shit and I had to have known he was lying I feel so dumb.
We were back together for like a week maybe, I slept with him, and I woke up the next morning to a break up text. He couldn’t even do it in person. He literally used my body and then threw me away like nothing. He did it over text like it meant nothing.
Before all the abuse and everything, we were homeless together. We slept outside on the pavement together, he kept me safe, he always made sure I had more blanket than he did. He always made sure I had food and water. When I got off the streets I took him with me, that’s like when shit got bad idk, but the point is we LOVED each other.
I feel like he was genuinely the love of my life. I find it hard to believe he even put hands on me in the first place because the love we had before was so pure and special to me. He tricked me he made me think I could have it back I wanted it back so badly. He just wanted my pussy, and my ass and my feet cus he’s actually just a sick perverted woman hater. He just wanted to hurt me one last time and I let him.
I’m so sick of people always hurting me, like literally everyone man. It’s always the same fucking shit, this time I really thought it would be different. Like I thought I found the one person who wouldn’t do that.
I don’t wanna be in a world surrounded by that type of people. I don’t want every person I meet whether it be family, friends, or lovers, to hurt me like that. And they all have, he knows it too. I went my ENTIRE life without feeling like I was loved before I met him.
I’m genuinely so done, I’m just gonna do it at this point. I really really hope reincarnation isn’t real, I fr just want peace and quiet. I want to never have to look at another persons face again.
I’m probably evil as fuck to if everyone is like that and the world will be better off with one less horrible evil person. I hope everyone is happy when I die.