Why do we do this?

I know I sound insane, but... Why? Like, what's stopping me from not going in debt and never paying it back? I had no money, and paid for my shopping for a few months now. My bank account is at -400. It allows me to keep going for a while. What's stopping me from just... Living like this? Get a van, live there sedentary so I don't pay gas or rent. Those have solar panels for electricity. All you need to pay for is food and water, and a job at McDonald's can get you that. And have extra time for hobbies, for yourself.

Get a job, get a house, get a degree, have kids... What's stopping me from just... Not? From just leaving everything behind, not playing in society's rules? Hell, if I save up some money, I can get a small, cheap terrain for my van, park it there, plant some potatoes and other simple plants... And food is much less expensive.

I guess the point I'm getting at is that I'm fed up. With everything. Politics, society, expectations, everything. I'm seriously considering just giving it all up. Live at my parent's house long enough to save for a van and then fuck off out of society. It sucks, because I used to have hopes, and dreams, but some assholes with money decided to make life hell for everyone. And now I just can't even imagine a future for myself. I'm already crying myself to sleep with the pressure I currently have. At that point, if I end up with some 9-5 getting on the grind I think it might just be better to die. Like, what's the point. I'm not making it old enough to need retirement money, so why not just take it now?

I'm asking this seriously. I'm a young adult, I genuinely have no idea what's stopping me from doing this. What are they gonna do if I stay in negative numbers on my bank account? What's the worst that can happen from giving up on society? Why do people even try to get jobs, to have kids, to get a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger garden... what's the point anymore. Have you seen the world? I don't want to spend my life miserable in some world I hate just to suffer in a retirement I can't afford. And, so what if I end up getting old enough to need retirement? What's the government gonna do, let me die? Put me in a shitty retirement home? I've lived through a shitty enough environment, what can they do to me anymore. And if I die? Good. Better to have lived well and young than to have lived old and sad.

There's this poem, I like, about Icarus. "Never regret thy fall, o, Icarus of the fearless flight, for the Greatest tragedy of them all, is never to have seen the blinding light."

And... Yeah. School was miserable. The start of adulthood is miserable. Adulthood will be miserable, being old will be miserable. "Oh, work hard to have a good retirement" yeah, great retirement, my bones are too frail to even try half the things I love and everyone around me is either a bigot or has Alzheimer's, and my whole family will be dead. How fun. Great retirement. I'd rather see the blinding light, and take the fall.

I'd rather die at 25, having lived every moment of my life. And if that's the plan, I don't see the point in giving a shit about debt, about kids or houses or fucking health for that matter.

I'm just so done. Why do we still do this? Why do we go along with this shit? Why am I so sure the one freeing plan I have is impossible? Is it bad that I'm thinking like this? Am I giving up or just adapting?