You didn't even try

I gave you space, I have always given you space, you never needed to ask for it. I let you be yourself, I loved you for who you were. I didn't try to change you. You hid from my family, you weren't able to accept that things are different at other peoples homes. You wanted my attention, for you and you alone. I couldn't leave you alone. You guilted me into staying with you. At an earlier breaking point or just when I went to do something for myself. You said yes it's ok, but you body and face said different. You changed me to fit you. I let you change me. I did everything, while you barely did anything.

You didn't commit, you didn't grow to me, you didn't accept me. And yet I still loved you. You pushed me until I broke and left me because of it. "I should have fought" that's what you said. But I fought, but you didn't want to hear it. Because it meant that you had to accept somethings about yourself. That you are not perfect, that to grow you need to leave somethings behind. And that you have to change. You tried to change every situation so it would fit you. And if it didn't you'd be awkward, irritated, annoyed, tired or uncomfortable. And I let you, I didn't correct you. Or when I did you were always able to win that discussion. Because you fought to win. I fought for middle ground, to grow together, to love deeper. I was convenient. I am in love with a person that doesn't exist, a person that maybe once existed but is now gone. I poured every single drop of love into you. And you took it for granted, only giving back what you could miss. Never going out of your way. Making excuses and lying about the real reasons. I now see everything. And yet, I am still in love with that person I once thought I knew. Only alive in body but not in spirit. And until I can look at that without any emotion I'll be dammed. It takes time, and I am a patient man. But this pain, this grief, this anger is unlike me. I changed too much, and when I stopped you pulled or pushed me back in. Emotionally and mentally manipulated me. Making me think I was the problem. I am a stranger in my own body and mind. Who is in love with a stranger.