what am i to his life?

its been a year since my long distance bf confessed, im still unsure of my role in his life. wed text every day, he sends me goodnight voice notes, but i feel theres nothing more than that. and im scared he feels the same. im his girlfriend but i cant be called his best friend. he has tons of other people for that title. and hes leaving them all behind because hes attending a new school, my school. and im the one to make him not sad about it.

lately things have been so quiet i feel im just someone in the background. we dont even get to call or meet up. less and less quality time as days pass. i feel the spark has long been gone, and its just breadcrumbs now. somehow its like were both trapped to stay because his family likes me, and about him attending my school in a couple months. i tried to end things but hes stubborn. and were both cowards. we dont want to lose each other.

is this part of relationship up and downs? still, my mental health isnt improving. wish hed understand and finally let me go. i dont want to burden him with my self destructing issues either. its for the both of us. i want him to realize but i fail to communicate. were both being avoidants. in a couple months we will see each other every day at school. im hoping itll fix things but i dont know. deep down id rather see him happy with someone better. dont think he can stand seeing me isolate myself and succumb into my unhealthy coping mechanisms.