I used to think that if I ever gave up, that would be my biggest failure, my greatest disaster and downfall.  
Despite all my problems and flaws, I am a self-made woman who never surrenders. I saw this as the best quality in me.  
I’m not perfect, and I have many faults, but because I don’t give up and keep moving forward, I believed I would eventually make it.  
I had no advantages in life none at all. Not in my family, not financially, not mentally or physically.  
And I’m the kind of person who prefers to learn things on her own, rather than have someone dictate things to me or settle for what others say about it.  
So as long as I keep progressing, even if it’s slow, I will get there .

Then life made it its mission to stand in my way and destroy me in every way imaginable.  
I was high up, on a peak, everything in my life was improving and going exactly as I wanted.  
Then, in a very short time, I lost everything. Literally everything.  
Everything I had worked for my whole life  gone. Every relationship I built   lost.  
I watched my entire life fall apart before my eyes, and on top of all that, no one stood by me. Everyone abandoned me.  
And the people dearest to my heart all passed away in a short span of time.  
You couldn’t make this up.

Yet despite all of this, I tried to hold on. I carried on, day after day.  
Until I withered, completely shattered, and sank into very dark spirals.  
Finally, after all paths before me were cut off, after losing my self confidence and hope in life,  
I decided to give up .  
It was the most terrifying decision of my life. I never imagined a day would come when I would take this decision . But I had grown completely numb. I couldn’t feel anything anymore.  
Life had no color. There were no emotions left inside me.  
No future to look forward to, no hope in this miserable existence.  
I reached a point where I just wanted to end it all, just to find peace.

And only then , hope was born from the heart of suffering.  
In a way I never could have imagined, nor even believed was real.  
That was the best decision I ever made in my life.  
I would never wish for anyone to go through such a terrifying experience.  
But the very thing I feared most in my life turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

Because when given up ,  
I didn’t just let go of myself.  
I let go of everything.  
I let go of my illusions and my acting.  
I let go of all the false beliefs I used to hold.  
I let go of the chains and shackles I had unknowingly placed on myself.  
I let go of the fears that surrounded and restrained me.  
In a way, I feel like I truly died, and was born again.  
Completely different, and so much better. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would reach this place, or that it could come out of such painful, dark events and decisions as the ones I went through.

I hope these words reach someone who needs them.  
It may look very dark right now. It may seem like there’s no hope in anything.  
It may seem like everything you worked for was pointless, wasted, and for nothing.  
I’m not trying to sell you a false hope .  
But in the worst of circumstances, you must admit that you do not know what the future holds for you.  
And what you think will be the tragedy of your life might turn into something beautiful you never imagined could happen.  
I know our lives are different, and our circumstances are not the same.  
I only hope you hold on tight

You just never know.

When losing everything becomes my greatest gift 🌊