I (20M) am lost of what i should do while on a break with my autistic gf (19F)

I (20M) am lost of what i should do while on a break with my autistic gf (19F)

For some context, me and my girlfriend have been together for the latter part of 1,5 years by now. We started talking online and met up in real life where we basically started dating from then on. She used to live a 3-4 hour train ride away, yet we managed to be together nearly every weekend, only missing it a few times. Neither her or me have ever had very many friends, but i have always been pretty social and have went to a few different educations so i have already experienced quite a bit of partying and the such, however i much prefer just being with her every weekend rather than going out. We have had our fair share of issues like her not being able to communicate what she feels and with me not understanding her special needs, being stubborn and raising my voice without realizing.

I have had 2 other “real” girlfriends while im her first relationship. Despite this we have never been in any big arguments and always figured out issues so that we were both happy. This year has been a long one for her as she has moved half way across the country (closer to me than she was before) for her studies, now living alone for the first time ever, with new people, friends etc. a total changeup in her life. This has been very stressing and overwhelming for her and i of course understand that.

About a week or two ago now she told me that we needed to talk and we had a phonecall where she explained that we had some issues (like me not understanding what she needs due to her diagnosis) and that she feels like she is too overwhelmed with everything and that she wants to go out more with friends etc. etc.

I of course was devasted but said ill drive to her place the next day so we can talk in person. That whole day we both cried together and it seemed like she was really adamant on breaking up but really didnt want to. We came to the conclusion that she should think a bit about it and we called 1 or 2 days later and we decided that we are gonna hold a no contact break for about a month where she can calm down and just be with her friends while not having to worry about a relationship. And then after come back and really work on our relationship from both sides where we have more communication and give eachother the space we need to do our own thing aswell.

I myself have ADHD and have always felt really out of place both in school and with jobs, this girl is genuinely the sweetest and purest person i have ever met and she is the only ive ever met that have really understood me and made me feel like i belong somewhere. I would genuinely do anything to keep this going no matter what it takes. I have never felt like before and i genuinely dont know if i lose her, if i can ever find anyone as good as her.

Right now we are about a week into the break and its eating me alive. Im trying to focus on myself but i cant think of anyone but her, i made some mistakes like over the weekend texted her that i hope she sleeps well and that i love her alot and she seemed pretty mad at this. which i genuinely understand. but i dont know how im gonna last 2-3 more weeks like this, or if she even still wants to be together after the break. Id genuinely do anything to make it work, but i dont know if i can. I know i just have to let her be and that i probably cant change what she does and that i just need to focus on myself but i have no clue what i have to do.

Each day that goes by is a slow slog and im doing horrible, i cant stop thinking about her, im slow at work, im crying multiple times a day and i have this constant pain in my chest. I really want to better myself for her so we can get back together stronger than before but i cant focus on anything other than bracing for her chosing to break up with me instead.

Please, if you have any similar experiences or just general advice, shoot it at me, i need anything right now. What would you do in my situation?