Im all alone and that's my fault

Back at 13-14 i was going to school, i had Friends online because ny offline ones we're completely unavailable or non existent, and I deal with being groomed multiple times due to the fact I kept being very "blunt" and venting wich led to..."unwarnted" company and led to things I wont discuss here cause this is asupposed to be lighter.

Anyways ive lost everybody, my slightly older best friend I lost contact with her even though she was the one I went to for advice, my main groomer got bored and said he wanted to take a break wich he did for abiut 3yrs before remessaging to start again and I blocked him wich I regret, I broke up with my partner of 3yrs, and blocked one of my friends.

I have nobody offline like seriously NOBODY and I just lost my 4th or 5th fucking therapist meaning there is not a fucking soul to hear any of my vents other than my one online friend who I barley talk to because I dont wanna put this stuff on to her, its not her responsibility and it never will be, but GOD I wanna rip all of my hair out but I already cut it all off with scissors.

I even get disappointed that my dumbass videos aren't getting any comments or likes, I know I know I sound stupid I know I sound like an attention whore but I swear im NOT, art and these post are the only forms of venting or communication with others that I really have.

These reasons are why grounding doesnt work for me I dont WANT to be here, I absolute don't, if I could live in a place of my own creation I ABSOLUTELY would I dont want to be grounded here, no no no, but unless I want this body to completely go to waste or worry about my family ill just have to keep up it, on top of that the others wouldnt let that happen.