The desire for romance cannot be replaced by a strong social circle

I swear, whenever I see people complaining about unfair barriers in them finding a partner – even though there are an astronomic amount of people in this world – I always see those kinds of comments containing **clichés like**: 'you need to focus on yourself first,' 'get a strong social network or hobbies instead,' 'you don’t need a partner,' 'find happiness somewhere else.' To me, this is false and only makes the pain worse. What if I do want a partner? What if I don’t want to do those things? It’s hard to focus on yourself when you’re in a disadvantaged position. Not because I don’t want to, but because the priorities shift. Because to me personally, it’s extremely stressful to not be certain about one of the things you took for granted as a child: getting a romantic partner to share life with, to be close with in a way no friendship can ever give you, and to create a family.

Frankly, I believe that people should understand that romantic love and friendships are two completely different things. They serve different goals and fulfill separate 'needs.' It’s literally scientifically confirmed that the romantic component of connection tends to be much stronger than friendships. And that’s logical. This need not being fulfilled leads to real pain and stress. Two genders exist for a reason. Friends existed because community increases your survival chances. But it doesn’t matter how big my social circle is, I’ll always feel the emptiness of not having a partner when my options are so limited. I literally feel it from the inside. I can’t rationalize it away, which shows how deep and important this is. Human beings aren’t supposed to be romantically lonely, nor socially in general. For people who are unfairly privileged, it doesn’t feel that way, simply because they don’t experience it. To me, it feels like the people who push these **platitudes** are speaking from a position of privilege. It feels like they don't genuinely want to help me. Because if they did, they’d offer **actual insights** about how the hell I could find a suitable partner in this weird world. Rather than trying to **direct** me toward a life I don’t want ('be happy single') or saying things that probably don’t work. I don’t want a hobby, or to go to a club or a bar for a partner. I want to be able to find my partner easier and at a more comfortable place.

I just do not understand how it is fair that some people are disadvantaged in getting love while others aren’t. It isn’t. And this shows me that the world isn’t unfair—it’s people. I’m so tired of this incredibly unfair shit. And that’s exactly what it is: unfair. Having a family and getting romance should be normal things in life.

I'm not trying to attack people who have partners, I'm just frustrated by the **dismissive statements** that treat romantic love as a luxury instead of a basic human need. And yes, it is. Otherwise, the brain wouldn’t be treating it pretty much the same way as food and water (desperation if you lack it, motivation to look for it, and so on).

PS: to everyone trying to gaslight me, because that’s what i often observe when people rightfully complain about how unfairly difficult finding a partner in a world with countless of individuals you’d potentially click with is actually. Gaslighting won’t help. People are unfair, nature isn’t. Why would I believe gaslighters and people showing fake empathy are any different? (unfortunately experienced this multiple times) There’s nothing I can blame myself about when it comes to struggling with dating. Literally nothing. Should i blame myself for being myself or something? That’s pathetic in a world that “values” you being yourself.