What gets me is that a year ago I passed my driving test and we discussed that I was buying a used car. Shes made no reference since then to it. Then she tried, badly to use it as a segue to tell me she got hit by a reversing car, whilst outing herself as having not even read my previous messages wherein I state that I have a car, by asking me if I bought a car yet. 

Also very funny to tell me to remember to check my surroundings whilst driving, as though that's not the most important thing about driving. Like I know it's not about me here but it reads very much as though she thinks I'm so dumb that I wouldn't think to look behind me before reversing. 

I normally ignore her passive aggressive messages but this time I just got sick of her always doing this and clapped back for once. I don't speak with any of the rest of my family, except for an aunt and a cousin who themselves chose to estrange themselves when I was a kid. I've since caught up with them and found they're the most normal of my relatives because they've gone to therapy. 

My mum is only interested in herself, she's gone down the Facebook conspiracy theory rabbit hole and every time she's mildly inconvenienced by something, it turns into a whole conspiracy. She's always been really selfish and in 13 years since I moved out, she hasn't called me once. When I mentioned this to her at like the 5 or 6 year mark, she claimed it was too expensive to call me on the phone. She is mortgage free, goes on multiple holidays a year, they have owned multiple properties and multiple cars, and they regularly dine out. It's not about the money, she just doesn't see why she should talk to her only child. I never had to officially go no contact with her, I just stopped calling and texting her and we haven't spoken in years. 

My grandma has been consistently on at me to try to make up with her and I've had to tell her multiple times that if my mother wants a relationship, it's on her to make any attempt to have one or contribute to one. 

My grandma kept persisting, one year we were going to go to hers for Christmas, because she didn't want to go to my mothers, because she was having some annoying friend over that she was trying to get money out of. I guess it fell through because suddenly my mum was now coming to Christmas, days before we were due to go. More than once she's invited me and my partner over and then either didn't tell me my mum was going to be there or told me at the last minute and got annoyed when I cancelled. 

Eventually she got the point as I just stopped showing up in person and stopped responding when she'd mention it. But since then shes been non stop upping the passive aggression around her dying. She's not even been sick as far as she's said. 

When I cancelled at Christmas, she tried to imply she was deathly ill. Said that my stepdad (who is his own post entirely) said that she "shouldn't be alone at Christmas in this condition." As if she was going to die on Christmas. She had mentioned no illness prior to this. Her "condition?"

Piles. It was piles. She was attempting to make me feel guilty and imply that she was going to die alone on christmas... Due to piles. 

Since then she's been amping up the "I'm dying, you're running out of time" thing. And sure she's in her 80s, but her family also has a long history of living past 90, I'm pretty sure one of her parents was nearly 100 if not over, by the time he died. She could die, sure, she's not guaranteed to live that long. But the fact is, I can't take any of what she says seriously any more because she constantly makes reference to dying and then it turns out it's something like piles. 

She's barely messaged me, and when she has it's usually some unprompted insult disguised as concern, like once she just texted "I wouldn't want to live where you live from what I've seen." 

Turns out she was making reference to the local city council having financial trouble, the same as most major cities in my country at that time. She only messages me stuff like that or to guilt trip me or to vaguely tell me what she's been up to whilst also sprinkling in some passive aggressive thing right in the middle, where it's almost easy to miss. Her response to my autism diagnosis? "I didn't think you were the sort of person to have that sort of thing." 

Keep in mind she confirmed that her husband and many of our family are autistic. So it's not a lack of understanding of the concept or a belief it's not in our pure bloodline or something stupid like that. She just had to still make it sound like I was either making it up or she was somehow disappointed to learn that more of the family have it. Ironically, she probably has it too. 

She's responded to my message but I've just blocked her. The curiosity is killing me though, I will say. I just don't think it's worth engaging with her when all she does is try to make me feel bad for trying to start conversations with her that apparently aren't right either, or remind me constantly that I'm not seeing her enough and shes going to die soon, when I don't want to see her in person because she keeps inviting my mother unprompted.

Oh and also because she keeps insisting that my bf and I look like her two other kids, my aunt and uncle. We don't, and my uncle is an addict child abuser who I don't appreciate having my bf compared to. But she has the rose tinted glasses on even when it meant pushing her favourite daughter away because she wouldn't come over while there were pictures of her abuser frame in the home and my grandma wouldn't take them down. 

So ummm... Yeah of course I don't want to come and see you, you compare my bf to a child abuser, insist I resemble the kid that got away and try to get me to fit into that void she left, you invite my mum without telling me and then you keep telling me I should feel bad for not seeing you in person more often because you're definitely going to die soon. 

My grandma, 5 months after I messaged her at Christmas, being angry because my message was too short. She's always been passive aggressive but she's been leaning into the guilt trip of "I'm going to die soon." Thing for a few years now.