Struggles with my dad

So me and my dad… I mean we are good, practically, but like emotionally and personally we are not. Let me explain, so my mother was my huge support system in my life, she passed away three years ago, unexpectedly, I was 23 at the time and I knew from then onwards that I was never going to get the same support from my dad. My dad and I have always had issues since we started living in a new country back in 2017, I thought I could lean on him, like I could lean on my mom, but I was wrong. Ever since then our relationship has been very rocky. Fast forward years later, I have continuously tried to better our relationship, because he is only one I have left, biologically, altho he does have a partner and she is great.

Slowly throughout the years I have learned that sharing my personal life, my deepest thoughts and feelings, having my own opinions and etc. are things I should not expose. Sharing less and less, or just not going to him when I am struggling with something. I am also AuDHD, late diagnosed, so although my dad is glad for me that I have diagnosis and he understands some things, the majority of times… I know he didn’t read/learned anything about autism and ADHD, I am still learning about myself and every time I figure something out, he just dismisses it and says I need to be more flexible. Every time I explain what “flexibility” has done to me in my undiagnosed years, it’s like he doesn’t hear what I am saying at all. He only tells me “it’s for your own good”, which almost destroyed me in the past.

My dad also likes to criticize almost everything, whether it’s my clothes, or my inflexibility, or me explaining me to him (I changed in a good way after a very difficult period, a better way as a person), or if I try to explain something, give an opinion, share my thoughts/feelings, I always end being called annoying or inflexible. Altho I can easily adapt to people/surroundings.

I recently wanted to buy a perfume, and I tested it, liked it and then my dad wanted to buy it for Mother’s Day. So we went, checked and I liked the one I had chosen. I also don’t like strong smells, but this wasn’t strong, it was soft. Then my dad went that that smell wouldn’t be great, wouldn’t stay on my skin, and that previous one from the same brand was much better. I liked the previous one too, but I wanted a change, I wanted to try a new one. I even had samples and it was great. Anyways, he continue arguing with me that I knew nothing about perfumes, and that one is not great and whatever else he said. I eventually told him I don’t want the perfume. He asked me why and I said because of you. I felt so beating down, not because of the perfume, but because every time I like something or I am sure about getting, made my decision, he turns it down. He judges it, now I don’t know whether I am being too sensitive, but I genuinely felt so bad. I felt so low and just… sad.

I am sorry if it has gotten too long. I just wanted to share this and maybe if anyone has been dealing with this, share the experience or encouragement of not being alone in this. I don’t have many people to rely on, not much of a parent/authority figure in this.

Thank you for reading, I hope you have a great day :)