I need help and I dont know what to do with my life

Hey guys,

This is my first ever post on here and so I apologise if anything is weird or anything. I am 17f, I live in an abusive household. my mom is a narcissistic childish woman who belittles me constantly, doesn't let me leave the house, doesn't let me live my life, she locks me in the house, doesn't let me stay alone in my room with the door closed, she constantly yells at me and just a lot of other shit I dont know if I want to get into, as for my dad hes absent, emotionally speaking, he just sides with my mom, doesn't let me do anything either and he just stays there and does nothing but yells when I mess up.

I have friends but none of them ever check in or care not that I expect them to, everyone has their own lives and I never want them to worry about me when they have their own lives. I have a boyfriend too and I feel like I rely too much on him emotionally and I dont want me to drain him, hes so sweet and he means a lot to me but I dont want to be like an emotional leech where he feels guilty and feels stuck in our relationship because I depend on him.

I am also taking a gap year out of high school and I am from an asian family so you can imagine how that went, my grades arent the best either and I want to get into med school in Europe or go to college far away from my parents, but dont think my parents believe in me enough to send me anywhere, they said your a waste of money and resources so I dont even think they want me to go to college, they sit everyday and yell at me for how much of a disappointment I am.

I feel like I have nothing to live for, I feel like life would be better for everyone if I just wasnt here anymore, I hate being in my house, im constantly on edge, always walking on eggshells, and on top of that I suffer from a medical condition which makes my stress hormones worse and makes me weak and tired. I feel like the only way to feel better would be to end it all.