I’m near the end

Long story short I bought a house for me and my gf of 10 years to live in. The first 3 years were decent but toward the end money issue caused a lot of argument’s and I was paying all her bills and mine working two jobs 64 hours a week to support us. I caught her cheating and lost love things escalate and get worse she starts physically abusing me after years of what people have told me was mental abuse. Always told me I wasn’t good enough and made me wanna work harder. One day she threw an object at me when I was looking the other way it cracked my head open and I needed immediate medical help. She got arrested we ended up having a few court dates and I got a restraining order. I have a hard time wrapping myself around this a year after it’s happened still working the same job to go to the same house that my dreams had vanished in. I no longer keep up with cleaning or feeding myself. I go to work but Barley try I’m surprised I’m not fired yet. I don’t care if I run out of money anymore I’m breaking my body working for it. I’m 20k in debt from house work and upgrades I did for us. I work and overnight job sleep during the day each day seems the same. Sometimes I consider crashing my car on my ride home. I get off in a few hours I’m sitting at my desk at work crying my eyes out. I have no family barely any friends I’ve pushed them all away by not answering any of them. I don’t want people to see me like this I want help I’ve talked to therapist I’ve broke down and told them every detail and I don’t understand why someone would come to physical violence over a matter that didn’t need it all I did was tell her not to drive a car that had no insurance or registration as we or I was behind on that bill for her insurance and the car was 3 months past registration and she assaulted me. I don’t wanna put all the blame on her I did have a drug problem but I was getting help and was bc I was dealing with chronic pain I’ve since got surgery and feel better and have been on a year and a half sobriety journey. Sometimes i consider when I get off work going the other way on the highway to bmore and pick up. Sadly does my thoughts ever get me excited to go “home”. I just want someone to talk to I guess sometimes but I also wanna be alone idk what I want and don’t understand how someone can do this to someone they “loved”