So there was this girl, we were friends online for around a year and then she confessed to me one day and while I was hesitant, I said yes and we got into a relationship. She is a nice girl and very kind (but can be bipolar at the moments). I did not know a lot about her at that moment and wasn’t really into her either; but I did like talking to her (and truth be told I was more attracted to another female friend at that time but did not know what to do)

We got into a relationship later on, but we talked mainly on text and calls. In our relationship of one year and a half, we have only met six times. We both have strict physical boundaries mutually decided, so we just talk and have a coffee or something. Over the time, I grew to like her and saw her for what she was and not just my delusional thoughts about anyone else (I know this makes me a shitty person in the first place). Then we got serious and I really want to marry her asap (we’re both studying right now, so obviously a gap of three years at least) but we both really intend to.

Main Problem

Here is when the problem started, you can’t judge me as much as you want, but I’ll just state everything that is bothering me. The problems with her family are a lot more than something not normal.

Firstly, her dad is so overprotective to a dangerous extent. She lives in a particular society in lahore that I will not mention, but her dad has never ever let her leave that place and despite being financially very sound, they chose to make her study in a very mediocre school and college just because it was right in front of their house at walking distance. More so, mind you she is going to be 20 and her parents still make her put her phone in their room. She can’t go anywhere, she can’t dress the way she likes; now i’m not implying western stuff but even NORMAL kapray. She cannot go out with even her female friends and she cannot have them over at her place. And if there are some assholes who are staring at her (shitty men of Pakistan) while they are out, tou it’s her fault automatically (mind you she’s even wearing the clothes that are approved by her father).

Secondly, her mother is very shitty like she would favour her sons in every possible way no matter what they do and always only belittle her even though she goes out of the way to make sure that she is fine about everything. And about the phone putting thing, only she and her younger sister are made to do that. Her elder brother or younger brother do not have to do that. Her mother would not care a fraction of what she does for her brothers.

Thirdly, her brother is gay and it bothers me so much. That asshole is really really shit. He has treated her so bad over the years and has made every possible effort to belittle her. Even goes through her phone, phone of a 20 year-old med student. And she is really really afraid of that piece of shit as well.
that fucking ganja kaala saaandh.

Her brother can openly talk to any female on phone or go out with them or even live with them (in UK in his dorm). But her parents would die if she so much wants to wear her favourite colour.

Now, this is the part where I get selfish. Considering all these factors, I am really sceptical if she would be able to take a stand, because my family is not going to agree so easily either but I am certain that I can take a stand and I can convince them. She is not heard at all even in her home or family. Her parents are strictly against love marriage. It makes me think that I will only end up heartbroken and very very humiliated even if I’m able to convince my family and go for rishta. I don’t know what to do. Like if I’m committed, then I’ll go miles for her. But these factors only point to one thing that she cannot convince and won’t be able to convince her parents no matter what. Heck, even she has admitted it that she can’t do anything about it and I’ll only have to rely on her parents judgement and she can’t even tell them that she likes a guy even if they ask out of a formality.

The problem is that if she does not take a stand, her brother knows about me because he has went through her phone multiple times (even when they meet for a really brief time). He had accused her of unspeakable things after that. Her parents do not know yet, but obviously jab rishtay ki baat hou tou parents will involve the brother as well. He’ll know that it’s me and it’ll all be ruined. I’ve been thinking of breaking up with her but it’ll kill her.

TLDR; obsessively controlling and biased asf parents of gf, her gay brother knows about me. she can’t take a stand and idk what to do; if i should continue or give up.