I can’t decide what to make of this

I feel like I can’t really talk to anyone in my life about this because it’s kind of “woo woo” and I’m not sure they would believe me. In September, I went to a local high bridge to jump off of it. I felt completely done. I had spent a couple of hours cleaning up my house, written notes to my wife and the rest of my family, and driven about an hour to get there.

I had managed, for the most part, to push the thought of how it would affect my family out of my mind during the drive there. As I started to climb over the railing, the button on my watch that lights up the screen got pushed. It was 3:20 AM, which is exactly when my wife gets home from work every day.

Suddenly, I was forced to imagine her walking into the kitchen, saying my name and not getting an answer, and finding the note I left her. I realized that I couldn’t go through with it anymore. I wasn’t able to make it home in time, so I called her and told her that I was okay and ended up going to the ER.

I still feel suicidal. It’s been really bad this week and I’ve struggled not to go back there. I keep thinking about what happened in September. Part of me wants to dismiss it as a coincidence, but it’s kind of crazy that it was 3:20 on the dot considering all the variables that went into me getting there.