I'm depressed

I'm 37. Heavily doped up on anti depressants and anti psychotics. Libido is heavily affected because of this. Can't get an erection unless I'm off the medication.

Work 6 hours a week in food service. Work at professional sporting matches which is pretty cool.

Study an arts degree which will get me nowhere financially.

30lb overweight

Although I have a few friends I feel disconnected and isolated from people.

I'd like to meet someone and have an intimate relationship but I was addicted to prostitutes and porn from 20-34 so have very little practice in dating.

Feel like I'm at a dead end. I don't want to kill myself really, but would be grateful if a disease or a car accident took me out.

Needed to vent