I think my parents gave me an eating disorder

Hiiii! I post here because honestly I got gaslight for a very long time thinking I'm crazy about it until I talked with someone from outside my house, so here's the thing: now I'm 19 and I have an eating disorder every time the kitchen empties I shove food in my mouth uncontrollably I became stealthy with it and nobody can notice food is missing and I realized this is the real reason of my weight gain. It all started when I was a kid and we didn't had lots of money and every time when we had something I liked or I could choose from I would take an advantage like any picky kid would, that's when my step father started poking fun of me and calling me names, accusing me of stealing food even if I wasn't doing it back then. He would make sure that he would never finish his plate even if that means he gets up hungry from the table just to make sure that he can make fun of me in case I ask for another serving.

Some time passed and I started feeling good while eating only If he wasn't watching even tho he always had this hyper fixation that everyone has to eat at the same table at the same time and the same food with him, he would get angry if any of us got a bigger spoon or a slightly bigger piece. He would make comments about earning our food and if u don't work hard enough u don't deserve it even tho I was like 10 maybe back then.

By 13 I had a nervous breakdown and I started crying when he was making jokes so he made sure his comments are only backhanded and not straight up calling me fat.

Time passed and by 15 I started trying to eat healthy and do sports and because of that my blood sugar would drop faster and I would get shaky hands this made him so angry that he screamed at me "Jesus didn't ate for 40 days and u can't stop eating for one" SORRY WHY AM I GETTING COMPARED TO GOD NOW?! Then he made fun of me for trying to put lemon on fish cause "it's another crap I saw on tv and I'm gullible about food". I noticed he's extremely picky about food only classic traditional food he refuses to eat even pizza cause it's too exotic for him, he gets very nostalgic about communist Romania saying it was the only time food had a fair share and every time I try to say something about it my mother squeezes my hand under the table as a warning.

Now I'm 19 and I started cooking just to know what we eat is slightly healthy but every time I cook my mother has to sneak after I'm finished and change the recipe completely dumping in oil and artificial flavours so I'm kinda already over trying I'm stress eating and I don't like that about myself I don't need advice I just need to know I'm not crazy and this is actually wrong. Thanks 👍