Can’t stop crying. 32 weeks pregnant.

I can’t stop worrying.

Hi everyone, I posted earlier about my baby’s head measuring small and how I am now having to see MFM to make sure everything is okay and there’s no FGR or microcephaly. Again, I am 32-33 weeks and everything has been SMOOTH so now I’m crushed.

I will admit, I haven’t been okay and I’ve been falling into a dark rabbit hole of microcephaly ever since I left my appointment. Obsessively googling everything. Worrying if my placenta has stopped working and I won’t be able to have a full term birth. 💔

My baby is currently frank breeched, BPD was measuring 1st percentile, and HC was 6th percentile. Baby is only in the 16th percentile overall, weighing 3 pounds and 15 oz with femur 12th percentile, and abdomen at 32nd percentile.

I can’t stay calm. I’m crying every hour worrying that my child is going to have microcephaly and will be…well…disabled and I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I don’t think I would be able to accept that or be able to take on a disabled child. This is my first child and I’ve had a horrible experience because my baby’s father abandoned me early on and has chosen to not be involved during my pregnancy, so I’m entering motherhood solo on my own and have had to go through this journey completely alone.

It would be unfair to me to have to go through all this emotional pain of abandonment during pregnancy + enter single parenthood, only to be left with a disabled special needs child. This is my first pregnancy. I will not accept that, and I pray I am overthinking but it’s so hard. I’ve been through so much.

I’m hoping the tech just measured wrong. I have never had issues with her growth before. So I don’t know how this came about, unless they never said nothing. I was always told baby was measuring up to due date. Again baby is breech and was napping during the scan, where it was hard to see certain things… so hopefully it’s that. but I’ve read on google breech babies have smaller BPD percentiles.

I really can’t calm down though. I’ve been sick for a 2 weeks with a cold not to mention and prior to that I had a stomach bug, so my appetite has been non existent and I’m not sure if that has contributed to baby’s small size.

I really just want prayers my placenta is working and there’s no growth restriction and of course that there is no microcephaly. Please dear god!! 💔💔