I dont know what to do without him

(i apologise in advance for the bad english and the long text lol)

Before we got together, we were friends for a solid time, hung out every once in a while, then at my best friends bday party, we kissed.

We kinda started dating after that and things were going really well, i was really happy because i always thought i'd never get to experience love again after my last relationship really fucked me up mentally and physically, but he was so kind and loving, and so good in communicating.

Then the last few weeks he got kinda distant, not replying to my texts, avoiding calling when we said we would, just ignoring me etc. but in person he was the sweet person he always was. I talked to him about it and told him my feelings, he said he'd try working on it, and for a day everything was well again.

Last saturday we were at a birthday(somehow its everyones bday rn lol), and he got really drunk, he kept saying how much he loves me and that im the best thing thats ever happened to him and stuff, and i was so giddy and happy that everything was fine and that he still loved me. Then he left without saying goodbye.

On sunday the same thing happened, ignoring my texts/calls, but answering in our group chat, and also cancelling our date. I debated talking to him about it again, but decided against it because maybe he was just stressed, because he still texted me goodnight and that he loves me.

On my way to work today, i checked my phone (i was on the subway) and suddenly he texted me that he wants to break up. Not even in a kind way, he literally said ''yo, i think i wanna break up''. I seriously thought he was playing some kind of fucked up joke, but he didnt, he said he lost interest in me 2-3 weeks ago, and that hes sorry and shit.

Of course i started crying, because i did not really expect that, so i ultimatly went home instead of work because i was so incredibly upset.

Now i dont know what to do, he was the first person to show me that i could actually be loved without having to use my body for that, and that love could be beautiful, not stressful and depressing. Was the whole relationship a lie tho? Everytime he said he loves me in those 2 weeks, he was just lying to my face. The birthday party in paticular is what really upset me. I was so happy and in love with him that i didnt even question if he meant it. I keep blaming myself. How will i ever trust someone again, considering my last relationship and now this one. I dont know what to do and i dont know if i can get over him.