I (M24) Ruined My Partnership With My Best Friend (F21) When My BM (F24) Came Back Into My Life. What Next?

Back in 2023 I dated my BM for 4 months, and moved in with her 2 hours away from anything I had ever known. The day I moved in, she peed on the stick, tossed it at me, and went off to call other people rather than enjoy what we had coming together. 2 weeks later i was kicked out. I deal with heavy childhood trauma, I grew up with my grandparents, and went through a lot of abuse in that household. Sexually, mentally, emotionally, physically. Some of my trauma and temperament got in the way with the BM, some of hers did too. I hermit in her closet and played video games quite often, but did my best not to neglect taking care of my pregnant partner. She worked, i didnt (I had just moved out there). The last time I had seen her, we argued, and it turned physical, her putting hands on me while driving, me retaliating. I didn’t hear from her again until March of this year (2026). I now have a 2 year old daughter, and I wasn’t even sure if she’d carried the term. My partner/best friend reached out sometime last year, and the BM claimed to have gotten an abortion, and gotten pregnant again by her current partner at the time.

In June of 2024, I met my best friend. We hadn’t spent but 2 weeks apart in a 2 year time frame. We had our issues as well, but I was the flawed one. She has trauma, shes emotional, but she handles it so differently than I’ve ever encountered. I’ve gotten angry and disrespectful with her, im ashamed to say that I’ve been abusive. If when I had met her she had told me someone treated her the way I have, but didn’t tell me it would be me, I’d have hated the person she spoke of. I do now. I’ve taken arguments way too far. Before the BM came back, theres been instances of extreme disrespect from me to her for example, I’ve spat in her face (instantly apologized and cleaned it), I’ve put a hand on her throat for snatching my phone (saw the fear and instantly stopped myself) I’ve left her on the road (always come back) and more recently, i bit her really badly because I had expected her to bite me.

Tying the two relationships together now that context is given and I’ve told you all what a poor person I’ve been, I did love the BM, and I do love my best friend now. I hate myself for the wrongs I’ve done in the relationships. My corrective actions come far too late and never outweigh the trauma I am now replicating. When the BM came back in March, I’d originally only had interest in being involved in my kid, but that came with a lot of confusion. My BM made that harder by pushing me to move in with her, telling me she wanted me back. A few weeks went my and my resistance grew weaker. I’d began to emotionally cheat on my best friend. Later led to sexting, and my partner saw that. We obviously fought, I begged and pleaded that she’d hear me out, understand my confusion, and tried to tell her that I still loved her. People in here may say the way I’ve treated her is null of love, but I can feel internally that I want to grow old with her, spend my time with her always. My external actions contradict my internal feelings. My best friend and I then took a trip from VA to TX to visit her family, in which we both agreed what happened in Texas stayed in Texas. But it couldn’t. I fell in love with her again. Even whilst confused and considering what the BM was putting down, I was falling for my partner all over again. We came back from Texas Easter weekend, and I’d obligated myself prior to spend that weekend at the BMs. I’d told the BM I wasn’t interested anymore, and that I’d still had feelings for my partner, but things still happened. My partner knows that too. When my partner saw the texts and we argued before Texas, I’d attempted to hug her and shit bit me really badly on my chest. The bruise wasn’t gone until we came back from Texas. Whilst in Texas, we got T-Boned and im blessed to still be here, but also wouldn’t be mad in the afterlife if some of my mistakes couldve been taken out of my hands. I apologize for going out of order, I’ll bring it back to Post-TX. Partner finds out that the BM and I had sex, even though I’d consented through exhaustion. I believe I have a people pleasing problem, because it’s similar to how I was sexually assaulted growing up except I don’t recall consenting to that, it started when I was 5 and continued into high school until I’d understood i could actually stop it. We got into an argument again in which I’d attempted to express concerns about my own mental health. She said I needed help, and tried to call someone, I went to stop her. That’s when the biting happened. This would be the second time she would be biting me during an argument, and I retaliated, bad. It’s been a week or two and she still has the mark. Her scream when I retaliated was blood curdling, it haunts me still. I should’ve let her bite me to the bone before ever retaliating. Fast forward another week or two later, she asked if it would happen again at a point in which the BM had moved on with someone else, and I’d been doing everything I could to rebuild trust, and show my commitment. Boundaries were already being set, so I didn’t understand the question logically, and didnt mind her emotion enough in it. I had been up all night, and had just laid down to get sleep. She got upset because I started to disengage by saying “okay” because I was fearful of escalating, and began to pack to move back to Texas. We’d just found out SHE was pregnant earlier that weekend. Im about to relive, likely the worst thing I think I’ve been through in all of the abuse I’ve faced, and both times may be my fault. I begged and pleaded again, tried to hug her, her car that I gave her wasn’t insured so I tried to hold her keys. She called her aunt, I gave the keys back, but the cops were called. I got taken to jail for unlawful detainment, and a PCO was placed for three days. The PCO just expired, and that is where we are today. Im going to attempt to take the steps necessary to sort through my trauma so I can stop causing trauma for others. For my kids. Please try not to be too judgmental, as I’ve already been extremely harsh on myself. I need help, not judgement.