struggling with an ed/looking for some advice

i have had an on an off eating disorder for the past year n a half. ( for reference i am female, 5’0, 150 pounds, i do not think i am fat nor skinny, i have muscle built up from years of sports and gym but i am a little out of shape with a bit of a belly hang but i wouldn’t even consider it fat).

i go a couple months struggling to eat, anything i ate would be thrown up or would eat around 100-200 calories a day. other months i would eat really shitty, would consume around at most 1200-1300 calories, felt super guilty but felt free to eat what i wanted.

i started ozempic back in march and i have lost 10 pounds, i went to the gym alot during months january- april but had to stop going because college started to build up. i hate the feeling of being on ozempic and wish to stop and eat freely again as i have been throwing up alot (struggling to sleep at night due to stomach pains, back pain every morning and lingers through out the day and the fear of my stomach lining tearing.)

i have seen so much progress with the gym (and being on ozempic) that i realized that im conflicted and trapped in a away that i dont know is right for me to do. i feel like this is the most lean i have seen myself but i am struggling. to me i question “is eating worth it knowing i am going to throw it up later?” “is the gym helping knowing i dont consume enough calories?”

i guess i would like some advice, or even some guidance on what to do as i am aware that i am not in the right mindset to make a proper change or rather a decision.