No longer repressed memories?

This all happened over 4 years ago, it was incredibly traumatic and I think I repressed a lot of what happened in the aftermath to make coping easier. I had a rough childhood, got out of there and immediately into an abusive relationship. Because of this, I think I find it somewhat easy to compartmentalize/repress certain things. But this popped into my head during a shower the other day and I've been so proud of myself and much more confident since.

Story time! it gets a little long, you can skip for tldr.

I dated this guy for a year, starting at 19. He was the first person I ever loved, consensually slept with, etc. The first 2-3 months were great, the classic love bombing phase. Things quickly went downhill out of seemingly nowhere, we had gone to the grocery store and on the walk back he went silent on me, glaring each time he'd look at me. Due to previous abuse, I was already extremely anxious before we got back to his house where he blew up on me, accusing me of looking at other men. This started a 7 hour argument, that went around in circles.

This was the start of a trend - every time we would go outside together, I would be accused of something. The summer ended and we both moved to the same city for college, but I moved into my accomodation first. He stayed with me that first week, and it was hell. Accusing me of sleeping with my roommates, who I hadn't spent more than an hour with since moving in. When that failed, it was random people in the halls. If they so much as looked in my direction? Glared at, told I must have fucked them because why else would they look at me.

At the end of the week he confessed to cheating on me just before I moved. I told him to leave. When he told me he'd miss the last train if he left at that moment, I told him he better run.

I was stupid and believed him when he said it was a mistake, and we stayed together for another 6 months. He cheated another 3 times confirmed, but I suspect it was more.

I completely shut down during our relationship. He would try and argue, accuse me of things, smacking his fists into the bed when I wouldn't take the bait. I would sit and stare blankly at the wall for what felt like hours, and it was so distressing at times that I would have onset migraines that would leave me bed ridden for days.

We constantly argued, and frequently talked about breaking up, so often that it was normalised when he'd say things like 'If we're still together next year, we're getting a place together.'

I think that was the moment I knew I had to end it. He had isolated me from my support network so effectively, and now he wanted me to give him the ability to properly lock me away from them all. He hadn't laid a hand on me yet, but it didn't take long.

I had gone out for dinner with the only friend I had left - he never attempted to make me cut her out, but every time I saw her, he would tell me about how much he wanted a threesome with her. It did and still does make me feel nauseous to think about.

We went to some bookshops, had some food and some drinks. The topic of my relationship came up and I'd become so used to lying about it that I didn't bat an eye, telling her things were great. She didn't believe me, but dropped it.

On my train home, he had text to say he'd pick me up from the station and we could spend the night together. Not long after, she text to say 'All I care about is that you're happy. I'm here whenever you need me.'

I had the pit of dread in my stomach as I got into the train station, and I met him outside. I didn't know then what I was about to do. We walked for a bit, and he was interrogating me about what we did, who we saw, and who I'd really been with. I was used to this, and had taken photos with timestamps to prove where and who I had been with. Silly.

We sat in the park to smoke. He was trying to make light conversation, but I had already withdrawn into myself, like I did a lot back then. He was mid sentence when I interrupted him, 'Im not happy anymore. I haven't been happy in a long time. This is over.'

He was shocked, he began to cry, he began to justify. I sat in silence, listening to his pleas as I smoked. 'No one will be as good to you as I am' 'You can't really blame me, you should've seen the signs' :You can't throw everything we have away because I made a mistake'.

I had become so numb to it all. Eventually, I just got up and walked away. He grabbed at me, I told him not to fucking touch me, and I left.

I received messages for days. Eventually I caved and we had a call, for reasons like I thought it would help me, maybe he had changed, maybe he deserved this closure.

He spent an hour begging me not to leave him. He sees the mistakes he's made, he'll do better, he knows he wants to be with me but he was stupid and wanted to have a wild first year at University. He begged and begged, and he cried. All I could do was repeat 'No. I know where I stand.' over and over. I think that's all I said for about 30 minutes.

I held my ground, and I removed him from my life. It was scary, I had no friends and no support network in a new city, but I did it anyway. I didn't want to end up dead one day because he lost his temper.

If I think too hard about it, I can still see his face and the look he'd get in his eyes when he was angry. Or the look he'd get when he'd blacked out after drinking, and I knew things were going to get nasty.

I'm far from fully healed, and I think I'll carry some of this trauma for the rest of my life. Despite how naive and stupid I was at points, I can't help but be proud of how I ended things. Whenever I feel bad about how things went down, now I can remember that he cried and begged and I had the strength to say no.

I'm in a much better place now, truly in love with the most kind woman I've ever met. She's has past trauma too, and together we're working things out. She knows how I hate conflict, and in 3 years we've had 2 arguments. Both solved within the same hour they started, no raised voices or slamming fists. I think she plans to propose soon, I saw the ring that hadn't been there before in her drawer when I was dealing with the washing. I always told myself I'd never get married, especially after seeing so many go tits up. But all I feel now is excitement for what the future holds.

Tldr; Repressed a lot from my emotionally abusive turned physically abusive relationship. Ended with him sobbing and begging me to stay but I had the strength to say no.