Its weird that he's gone

Split with my best friend since i was 11, and my boyfriend of 7 months recently. Its weird, he was genuinely kind, sweet and gentle but so fucking cowardly, hesitated to cut off his ex who made me uncomfortable bc she wished i would be raped when i myself was a SA victim, and kept trying to get me to understand why he hesitated, said he was her friend.

He betrayed me in one of the worst ways possible and now left me, we kept fighting for a month and i became so fucking suicidal and insecure that i kept attempting to kill myself and hurting myself that he left because he couldnt take it anymore.

Im saying it's weird now as he's been in my life for so long, texted each other for years, and i always woke up excited to talk to him, but now i won't have that. I know i shouldn't miss a guy who did that, but it's just so hard not to.