drinking two litre bottles of cider

this is when you know you're in the pits. it's 9 am and i've just bought two large plastic bottles of the cheapest cider i could find. I think it's self hate more than anything to be honest. I've always been a nasty bitter narcissitic racist individual with no care for anybody else. Hate is pretty much the only emotion i feel. I've acomplished absolutly fuck all my whole life, squandered every single opportunity. To be honest one of the reasons i started drinking was to put my mind off the urges to go on a complete rampage with a weapon.