My world has fallen apart over a weekend - Dad Stage 4 Lung Cancer

Another cog in the cancer machine here...

I got a phone call from my mom Saturday afternoon (May 9) in tears, she said 'it's your dad' and proceeded to explain they called an ambulance for him on early Saturday at 2am because his side pain was so horrendous. They ran some quick X-rays and discovered an enormous mass on his lung and lesions on his left and lesions on his liver. They're confident it's terminal lung cancer, but the biopsy is today so we don't technically know yet (if it started as liver cancer or vice versa).

They did an MRI yesterday and found spread in his brain too, albeit still small. Today is bone scan day to check for spread there. Today should also be biopsy day to determine the cancer/sub type and give us a timeline to work with. I'm petrified of facing this news but I've also been told so much already maybe it'll just be another piece of the puzzle. I'm an hour and a half away from my hometown where my family is and feeling so helpless while he's been stuck in a hospital room alone (my mom is there during visiting hours thankfully).

He was scheduled to have his hernia surgery today, before all this went down. It's been causing him grief for years and he was on a year + long wait list, until they called him last month saying a spot opened up. That was supposed to be today, instead...they obviously cant do it now. Too risky with the cancer spread. He hasn't been able to lay down in his hospital bed since Friday due to the hernia belt jamming into his liver area, so he's sitting in a chair in his room...not even a comfortable one. Like a waiting room chair. I went to visit yesterday and it's so deflating looking at him. He's keeping spirits up and is still 'all there' you could say. But I know this is weighing on him and he hides his fears/feelings well, but I know he's scared.

This was ALL so unexpected. He blames himself for not being more proactive about getting testing done, but he showed no symptoms. And the dr. tells us lung cancer is a silent killer. He's a smoker and him coughing was attributed to 'smokers cough'. He never dealt with shortness of breath or fatigue, etc. He works an active job and was working up until this day.

So I went from normal happy healthy family, to what feels like a death sentence. I'm trying to hold onto bits of hope here we get more time. I desperately hope he gets to go home this week and enjoy his couch spot, dog, garden, etc. :( Eat more than hospital food, I brought him a cheese burger yesterday and he devoured it. It's so hard to see him in this state, it was SO hard to leave the hospital without him and go back to my parents house while he remained in that tiny room. If anyone can relate to this deep seeded pain, I'd love to know how you coped. This is my first parent related illness (I'm 36. My parents are in their 60s) and I'm still in the crying/numb phase. My partner offered me to go back home for a while and live there/find work while being closer. I have a ft job here that is cool with me taking time off as needed.

ANYWAYS. This news came 3 weeks after my cat was diagnosed with stage 2 mammary carcinoma, an aggressive breast cancer in kitties (she's 16). We just removed a second lump off her and thank god there was no sign of spread when they did ct scans and ultrasounds. But that was so stressful and expensive and scary. Just when we thought we were out of the woods, dads news happened. Life's a bitch sometimes heeeeey?

Thanks for reading, it felt really nice to word vomit here outside of just my journal and to my partner, who is being an incredible rock during this time. I'm grateful to not be alone throughout this.

Advice, coping skills (I don't have any vices...yet..), and any hope of course for the cancer journey. It feels bleak but a success story might make my brain feel better, or things we can advocate for.

My mom went through this with her dad, my grandpa, who we lost in 2014 to colon cancer. Stage 4 when we found it, he passed 7 months after. So this isn't her first rodeo, but she's struggling i think because it's a different relationship (nevermind her talking about selling the childhood home, purging, living alone..that's another post).