(F19) I got recorded while cheating and now it is my fav porn to watch….

I’m 19 and everyone knows me as the good girl. The loyal one, the slightly prudish one, the girl who has had the same boyfriend for 2.5 years and would never cheat. My boyfriend was my first and my only one, and honestly, I never hated our sex life. He is sweet, good-looking, and he always made me feel wanted. The only thing was that it usually ended pretty fast. I never really blamed him for that, because part of me even took it as a compliment. He always made it clear how much my body turned him on.

But I still wanted more. I had a higher sex drive than him, and I wanted more time, more intensity, more of that feeling where you stop thinking and just let go. I never really said that out loud, because I was supposed to be the good girlfriend. I got attention from guys when I went out, especially because of my body, but I never acted on it. I liked the attention more than I admitted, but I always stayed loyal.

Then, about three months ago, a new colleague started working with us, and something changed. Not in a dramatic way at first, but there was tension from the beginning. The way he looked at me, the little comments, the moments where we both seemed to know there was something there without saying it out loud. It felt like he noticed a side of me I usually kept hidden, and instead of pulling back, I started liking the attention more than I should have.

Last week we had a work outing. I was tipsy, my boyfriend was away for the weekend, and I went home alone. My colleague texted me to ask if I got home safe. I could have answered normally, but I didn’t. The conversation kept getting more flirty, and at some point I asked if he wanted to come over.

I knew exactly what I was doing. I put on black lingerie, pink heels, fixed my hair and waited for him. When he came in, he looked at me like he had wanted to see me like that for a long time. He asked if he could take a few pictures of me, and normally I would never see myself as that kind of girl, but I said yes. At first I felt awkward, but after a few pictures I started enjoying it. I liked the attention, I liked feeling wanted, and I liked knowing my boyfriend had no idea I was standing there like that for another man.

After that, the night went further than I expected. It lasted longer than I was used to, it felt more intense, and for the first time I felt like I really let go. We tried things I had never really tried before, and he took control in a way that made me stop pretending to be innocent. At one point I even said things I never thought I would say out loud. Things I had definitely never said to my boyfriend.

I came four times that night, which had never happened to me before. My housemates were home too, and some of them are friends of my boyfriend. They were already asleep, so we had to be quiet. I really tried, but sometimes it was hard. A few times we were definitely louder than we should have been, and that made it even more exciting.

The next morning it happened again. This time people were already awake downstairs, so we had to be even more careful. We could hear them in the living room while I was upstairs with him, and even though I knew how wrong it was, the secrecy made it feel even more intense.

Later my boyfriend called and said he had seen everything. That’s when I remembered the baby cameras. My two-year-old niece had slept over the weekend before, so there were still cameras in my bedroom connected to an app on my phone and also on my boyfriend’s phone. He had seen footage from that night and the next morning. There was audio too.

We argued, and after that I logged into the app myself. There were two bad-quality videos and a few audio files. I told myself I only wanted to see what he had seen, but that wasn’t really true. I watched them again, and then again. Now I keep going back to them almost every night.

The quality is bad, but you can still see and hear enough. You can hear the things I said and see enough of how different I was with him. That is the part that messes with my head the most. I always knew my boyfriend found my body extremely attractive, but seeing myself like that made me understand why. It made me feel different. More confident, but also ashamed of how much I liked seeing that version of myself.

My boyfriend came over later, packed some things and is staying at his mother’s now. We’ve barely spoken. I know I need to officially end it, because this is not one stupid mistake anymore. This week I’ve seen my colleague again and again, in total we had sex 13 times last week, way too many times to pretend it was just a one-time thing…